Through The Eyes Of A Mother
by Dark Wings Descending
Summary: Jean Grey was once a normal teenager and, like normal teenagers, she made mistakes. But regret was the price she had to pay for a mistake she now wants to fix and she'll learn the hard way that sorry, sometimes, isn't enough to erase the past.
1. Discovery

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter I: Discovery.

Thousands and thousands of minds poured their thoughts into his own through Cerebro, but Professor Xavier was searching only for those which belonged to young mutants in need for help and advice. It was a long and slow process and it could not be interrupted, unless there was an emergency. If he didn't handle it carefully, it could take a very long time until he found the same person for the second time and, by then, it could already be too late to help them.

The Professor almost never searched for someone in particular because, luckily, he knew the location of all the mutants he was acquainted with. Some of them were friends; others were enemies. But he thought every one of them should be given the chance to accept and embrace their gifts, especially when that chance was asked for. That was another reason to use Cerebro: to find mutants who had lost their way and needed guidance.

Today was one of those days in which he had no positive results; there was not a single mutant ready to be found and days like this were discouraging for Charles Xavier. When he was about to give up, he sensed the energy of a person he had been searching for years but had never even met. In fact, he had had less and less hope of finding this person as time went by and, now, the quest had ended.

Taking the helmet of Cerebro off, Professor Xavier exited the chamber with only one thought in mind: to find Jean Grey. She had been the one to ask him to never stop searching, even though he had never thought he could bring her peace of mind. But today he had found a source of energy very similar to Jean's and, for the first time in his life, the Professor didn't know exactly what words he would use to inform her. He had known her since she was a child and had never seen her act irrationally but once. Now, he could be about to witness a second time if he hadn't the right words prepared for her. Charles had always blamed himself for not realizing Jean's mistake earlier. Today was the day that blame died.

He found her sitting in her office, reading. Jean looked at him as she became aware of his presence. There was only silence in the room and in their minds before the Professor decided to finally speak.

"I've found her, Jean", he stated, knowing there was no way to prepare her to hear the news. The red-haired woman did not move or speak and it almost seemed she wasn't breathing while she looked at her mentor. She had dreamt of that day for the last fifteen years, but had never imagined it realistically. Now, Jean's dream had come true and her body didn't know how to react.

"K-Karah?", she stuttered when her emotions started taking over her.

"Yes, I've found Karah", Charles replied with a smile; he had witnessed her regret and suffering through the years and it was about to end. But his smile soon faded as that last thought lingered inside his head. "Jean…"

"I have to see her", she interrupted him, standing up from her chair with tears in her eyes. "I have to bring her home".

"You must think before you act, Jean. Be patient", the Professor advised, apprehensive as he felt the dangerous turmoil of barely controlled emotions in her mind. "Besides, you need to talk to Scott first, don't you think?"

"Right", was her answer when she quickly returned from the fantasy in her head. "He needs to know", she continued, worried and confused. Charles decided to leave her alone to her thoughts; it was not the time to give her more advice yet.

Once she realized she was the only person in the office again, Jean Grey finally freed her tears. She recalled the day she had made a terrible mistake and the day she had started to regret it, which came soon after. A few minutes later, she managed to control herself and started to think about how she would tell Scott. Even though she loved him very much and trusted him completely, the powerful mutant had never had the courage to share her deepest and most painful secret with her husband. But, now, it would no longer be a secret and she knew she would be glad once she had taken that weight off of her shoulders.

Jean sighed and, gathering the papers on the desk nervously, walked out of her office to find Scott. She tried not to think about the very real possibility of him not accepting it, but failed: the headmistress of the _Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters_ knew it could ruin her marriage forever. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of their relationship coming to an end, but it didn't change anything. Now, there was something far more important than Scott, even though she felt guilty for admitting it to herself.

She found herself standing outside their bedroom sooner than she had expected and felt all the planned words in her head being washed away by fear: this could and would change her life forever. Jean sighed and, opening the door, she found Scott inside the room; she had almost wished him not to be there. He looked at his wife and noticed she had been crying. Something was not right.

"What's wrong?", Scott asked, concerned, as he approached her and caressed her cheek. Jean couldn't answer right away; how could she tell him? Revealing her hidden past would completely destroy his trust on her, but it was a dead end: there was no way to escape.

"I… I have something to tell you", she said after her long silence and walked a few feet away from him. Scott turned around to face her again, frowning as he waited for whatever she had to say.

Jean fell into her personal lake of silence again as everything ran through her head and all she could focus on was what she wanted the most. But there was something standing between her and what she wanted, so not telling Scott was not an option. Even though she knew him well, she couldn't imagine how he would react to such an important fact, which she had kept from him since the beginning of their relationship.

"I never said anything all these years because I feared I would never find anything to give me peace and redeem me from what I've done", Jean spoke again, incapable of facing Scott. "But, today, everything has changed and I have hope again…"

"What are you talking about?", was Scott's confused question. She had never spoken like that and he had absolutely no idea of what was going through her mind. Jean finally felt her courage returning and looked at her husband, knowing it was now or never.

"Scott… I have a daughter"


	2. Sin

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter II: Sin.

At first, Scott thought his ears were deceiving him. Had Jean just said she had a daughter? It was impossible. It was simply not possible. They had met a long time ago and they didn't have any child together. Sitting down on the bed as he felt the world around him stop, Scott tried to allow her words to enter his mind, but he couldn't: it was just too unreal for him to believe it.

"Scott?", Jean called as she sat down next to him, but he didn't look at her.

"I think I heard you say you have a daughter", he stated, refusing to accept what those words meant.

"That's exactly what I said", she replied softly.

"And she isn't mine", Scott continued bitterly while pain took over his heart.

"She was born before I met you. I can't change that", Jean paused, unsure of how to continue. "And I can't change the fact that I haven't told you before and I'm sorry"

"You're sorry?", he asked, enraged, as he stood up. "You didn't tell me you had a kid and you're sorry?"

"You have the right to be angry at me, Scott. I don't expect you to accept it, but I want you to try to understand why I did it", was Jean's controlled answer. "Please", she added.

He stood in the same spot as he looked at her in silence and he could see in her eyes that she was suffering. Even though he couldn't help but to feel betrayed, Scott realized he wanted to know why she had chosen that particular day to tell him that secret. Taking in a deep breath, he sat back down on the bed as a sign that he was waiting for an explanation.

"I was just sixteen", Jean said when she started speaking again. "The father… He wasn't really my boyfriend and he never knew that I had gotten pregnant. I never saw him again after I found out"

"How did you tell the Professor?", Scott asked.

"I didn't. I managed to hide it until she was born and then…", she stopped, feeling a strong wave of emotion washing over her. "I knew I couldn't keep my child; I was a child myself. The night I had her was the longest of my life. After I gave birth in a rented room so no one would know, I took her to the orphanage. I knew it wasn't the best idea, but I was desperate", she wasn't able to continue as she started crying; reliving that night was the hardest task she had ever faced.

Her husband held her close to him, knowing there was nothing he could do to ease her pain. Everything was still too much for him, but he needed to overcome his own pain so he would be able to support her; she was the most important person in the world to him and he would do anything for her. Even accepting a child that was not his own.

"When I arrived there, I saw a couple leaving and the woman was crying. I couldn't help but to read their minds and found they couldn't have children of their own and adoption had been denied to them for the second time", Jean said, resuming her story. "I looked down at the baby in my arms and knew that couple had to be her family. So I followed them outside and approached them. The only thing I said was that I couldn't raise my daughter and I didn't want her to grow up without a home. The woman took her in her arms and all they could say was 'thank you'", she continued. "Then, I ran away from them before I could regret what I was doing"

"Why are you telling me this now?", Scott asked after a moment to think about everything she had just said.

"Because I _did_ regret it a few months later… and that's when I told the Professor", she answered, feeling her mind was now lighter as she was washing away part of her guilt. "She had inherited my abilities, but I had blocked them just like the Professor had blocked the Phoenix in me. It was easy with her being a newborn baby"

"Why did you do that?", her husband questioned, knowing it was not in Jean's character to support a mutant's denial of their powers.

"I thought she would be protected from the world if she never knew she was a mutant and I wanted to prevent myself from looking for her one day. But it only made me feel guilty and, one day, I decided I wanted to keep her after all. So, I told the Professor and, even though he severely censured me for hiding my pregnancy, he promised to help me. But, as my daughter grew up, the walls around her powers became stronger and it was hard even for the Professor to find her. That's why it took all these years. Today, he found her"

"And you're planning to bring her here?", was Scott's hesitant question.

"Yes, I am", Jean answered firmly, fully in control of her emotions now.

"But Jean… She must be almost sixteen now and she has a family"

"I know, but that family doesn't know she is a mutant. I made a lot of mistakes and hiding her abilities was one of them", she stated, refusing to think of any other option than to have her daughter near her. "I have to fix that, Scott. I have to fix everything"

"Jean… This is all very confusing to me and I don't want you to think that I'm not with you in this, but do you really think this is the right time to show up on this kid's doorstep and tell her you're her mother?", he asked, fearing his wife was not seeing things clearly. He had never seen Jean let her emotional side take the best of her and he wasn't sure she could handle it.

"I would have done it earlier if I could, Scott", was her reply.

"I know", he said, defeated, and hugged her. Scott hoped that, before she decided to do anything, she would talk to the Professor and that he could make her see this matter was not as simple as she seemed to think it was. The last thing he wanted was to see Jean suffering even more.


	3. After All These Years

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter III: After All These Years.

Jean entered the car, sighing, and didn't look at the Professor. Charles had convinced Scott to stay at the mansion while he accompanied Jean in the most difficult mission of her life; he knew she would not be able to control her emotions with many people around her. Starting the car, she drove out of the property without saying a word and her mentor didn't insist because he knew she had nothing to say to him at the moment. All her thoughts were somewhere else, somewhere they were going to.

Inside her head, Jean was talking to her other half, the one which was too scared to do anything, the one which was constantly telling her to go home and leave that family alone. But the stronger part prevailed: she had to find her child and bring her home, where she belonged. She had let her go once; she wouldn't do it again.

While the road seemed to go on forever, Jean thought the distance was much shorter than she knew it was. They entered a neighborhood that was almost exactly like the one the Professor had visited her in, many years before. As she stopped the car in front of the house inside of which her destiny awaited her, she stared at the door for a long time while she searched for the determination of her stronger half.

"Jean", Charles called, distracting her from the door.

"I know", she replied as she suddenly started feeling insecure.

"I'll wait here", he stated in return, indicating that he could not go any further.

Taking one last look at the door, she exited the car and slowly walked towards the house. She felt her feet becoming cold and numb: fear was consuming her. The line that separated her from her long lost daughter was very thin and, yet, Jean was afraid to cross it. She had never let any emotion make her be unreasonable, so why was it happening now?

She finally stopped in front of the door and rang the doorbell before she could let her thoughts of fear overpower her. The seconds she waited after that dreaded decision were the longest she had ever lived and turning around to leave was the most inviting option she had. But fate decided not to give her time to even consider the option and soon a woman she would recognize anywhere in the world opened the door. It only took that familiar woman a short moment to recognize Jean as well and, when she did, the redhead saw her turn paler.

"Hello", Jean greeted, unsure of what to say to the person who had never expected to see her again. "I'm Jean Grey", she continued, but received no answer in return for a minute. The adoptive mother of her child simply stood there, looking at her and wishing for her to disappear from her sight forever.

"Can… Can I help you?", the woman's voice was nothing but a whisper.

"I'd like to talk to you… If you have time, of course", Jean answered politely, although leaving without seeing her daughter was not in her plans.

"Come in", the mother invited, clearly wishing Jean would go away and let her live her life in peace. The mutant entered the house and a feeling of sadness started to bloom in her heart: she wouldn't have been able to give her a home like that at sixteen years-old.

She was led to the living room and silently invited to sit down on the couch; the other woman did the same on a chair opposite Jean.

"I'm Laura Roberts", she introduced. "How can I help you?"

"I don't know how to start…", Jean started to answer but was soon interrupted.

"Why don't you start by saying why you showed up at my door after all these years?", Laura asked defensively and Jean could see a great fear in her eyes.

"I've come to see my daughter", she answered calmly.

"You don't have that right. You abandoned her", Laura stated, raising her voice.

"But I regretted it. I was only sixteen and I regret having abandoned my daughter", Jean replied; controlling her own mind became more difficult as the minutes faded into nothing. "I spent all these years looking for her and I want to meet her"

"Is that all? You want to meet her?", were Laura's desperate questions.

"Of course not", the telekinetic mutant said, again in a calm voice. "I want to... to be her mother"

"She already _has_ a mother", Laura replied coldly. "She has a family who loves her and she doesn't need you in her life"

"I'm a mutant", the words left Jean's mouth before she could think while her mind chose the first thing that could make a mother reject a child.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a mutant", she repeated, knowing the damage was done. "I'm a telepathist and I have telekinetic powers; I can communicate and move objects with my mind", she continued as Laura looked at her like she was insane. Jean knew she had to prove what she was saying, so she spoke inside the other woman's mind: "My daughter inherited these abilities from me"

A very shocked and terrified Laura stood up from her chair to walk away from Jean, but merely stood next to her seat. She tried to speak, but not a sound came out of her mouth.

"Only I can teach her to control it", Jean stated.

"She is not like you! She is not a _freak_!", Laura yelled, refusing to believe her beloved daughter could be one of those strange people she had heard about on the news.

"No, she's not a freak. She's a _mutant", _the headmistress of Xavier's school replied firmly, starting to lose her patience.

Suddenly, someone arrived home as the two women heard them open the front door. Laura looked at the living room door with pure terror in her face and Jean felt her anxiety rising up in her again while she realized her life was about to change forever.


	4. Rachel

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter IV: Rachel.

They held their breath until a very normal teenage girl entered the living room and looked surprised to see a stranger sitting on the couch. Jean was afraid that her heartbeat would expose her as she could only hear loud drums trying to deafen her. She couldn't look away from the girl who was still a baby to her: she had spent too much precious time away from her.

"Am I interrupting something, mom?", the girl asked, still looking at Jean.

"No, honey. Miss Grey and I were just finishing our conversation", Laura answered, also turning her head to look at Jean again.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm going upstairs to do my homework", the daughter of both women replied as she looked at Laura and then at Jean again. "Excuse me"

The telepathist saw her daughter leave the room, still memorizing her features: she resembled her biological mother very much, but, being oblivious to their bond, she obviously hadn't noticed it.

"You've seen Rachel. Now, leave", Laura said when she heard the girl closing the door of her bedroom upstairs. "Please"

"Rachel?", Jean repeated, standing up.

"Yes, we've named her Rachel", was the answer she heard. The name was so different from what she had chosen and she didn't really like it, but it was the least of her problems at the moment. "Look, you can't just come here and ruin her life. Please, leave and don't come back", Laura said after a long silence between them.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that", Jean replied. "I waited almost sixteen years to find her and I can't just forget that she exists when all I want is to have her with me"

"What are you saying? You can't take her away!", Laura tried not to speak loudly in fear that her Rachel could hear her.

"I need to tell her everything first. She has to know I've always wanted her"

"Rachel doesn't know she's adopted", the desperate foster mother stated in a whisper. "Please, leave us alone"

"I can't", Jean replied rather coldly. She was starting to lose her patience again. Why couldn't Laura understand that she wasn't going to forget her own daughter?

"Then let me talk to her first. Let me prepare her and come back tomorrow", Laura pleaded, knowing she wasn't going to win that fight.

"Alright", the redhead gave in. "Tomorrow, then"

Laura accompanied Jean to the door and neither of them spoke when the mutant left the house. She didn't need to look back; even though she couldn't sense her daughter's mind, Jean could sense Laura's. She would know if she tried to hide _her_ Rachel from her real mother.

Charles looked at Jean when she entered the car and waited patiently for her to speak.

"It won't be easy", she stated, turning around in her seat to face her mentor.

"You weren't expecting it to be", he replied calmly.

"But I didn't think it would be this hard"

"You have to prepare yourself for the worst, Jean", Charles advised. "Karah has lived her entire life with this family and she won't accept someone else as her mother easily"

"They've named her Rachel", she said, almost changing the subject. "It's like telling me she's not my daughter"

"In their point of view, she's not", the Professor answered, knowing Jean had a long road in front of her.

* * *

Laura leaned against the door while she tried to fight back her tears: she had always feared this day would come, even though she had never known anything about Rachel's biological mother. For a second, she thought about hiding the truth from the girl, but she knew she couldn't do it anymore. Rachel had to know she was adopted and that her mother was a… mutant. How could she destroy the life of the child she had raised and always loved as her own?

Sighing, she decided to go upstairs to Rachel's room. She opened the door and saw she was sitting at her desk doing her homework. It instantly reminded her of the special little moments she had seen Rachel go through and the hidden tears threatened to fall once again. She didn't have the strength to do it; she didn't have the strength to go and shatter the perfect life her daughter had been given.

She walked away from the door in silence so she wouldn't be heard. The truth would have to wait, even if it had specifically told her it would come back the next day: life was not a game and Rachel was not a pawn for Jean Grey to play with. Laura wouldn't let her come and destroy everything they had built together as a family.

* * *

Jean sat down on the bed and hid her face in her hands. Had everything that could go wrong gone wrong? She feared it hadn't; she was perfectly aware that her daughter could reject her, like the Professor had told her, but she couldn't give up. Her life had never been complete without the child she had given away and her instinct, which she had never listened to until then, told her to keep trying to bring her home.

She heard Scott enter the room and felt him sit down beside her, so she let her hands fall on her lap and looked at him.

"It didn't go very well", she stated, answering the question her hadn't asked. "She doesn't know anything"

"Have you, at least, seen her?", Scott asked, trying to hide his impatience.

"I have… and she's beautiful", Jean answered with a proud, yet sad smile. "I'm going there again tomorrow. The foster mother asked me to let her talk to her first", she continued, incapable of ignoring her anxiety. "I've told her I'm a mutant and that my daughter had inherited the gene from me. She said I was a freak2

"You have to think of the worst, Jean. What if Karah doesn't want to meet you?"

"I'm hoping curiosity takes the best of her", she answered, putting faith in her own words.

* * *

She was sitting in the kitchen when she heard her husband arrive home. Every second that passed brought Laura closer to the inevitable: her life would change and there was nothing she could do to stop it. He entered the kitchen to greet her, but she remained silent and incapable of hiding her misery.

"What's wrong?", he asked, frowning as he sat down next to her.

"Ted… We have to tell her", Laura answered, unable to stop her tears. "Rachel has to know the truth"

"What? Why?"

"Her mother… Her real mother came here today… and she wants to take her away from us", she continued, feeling her despair consuming her heart. Ted felt an invisible slap hit him hard on the face and stood up to pace around the kitchen until he stopped and looked at Laura again.

"How did she find us?", he managed to ask, feeling his throat was very dry.

"I don't know for sure, but she says she's one of those mutants", Laura said, shivering at the word 'mutant'. "She spoke inside my head, Ted! And she says Rachel can do that too!"

"What are you saying? Rachel isn't one of those… _mutants", _he replied, incredulous but knowing it could be true; after all, they didn't know anything about that woman.

"That's what I told her, but she says she is. I heard her speak without even moving her lips, Ted"

"We can't tell Rachel", was Ted's decision.

"She'll be back tomorrow to see her and talk to her", she refuted. "We can't hide it from her. If she found us this time, she can find us again"

Silence fell between them as reality pushed its way into their minds: they couldn't lie to Rachel anymore. Ted and Laura had no doubts about their daughter's love for them, but they knew she would feel deceived. What child wouldn't if their parents told them, after fifteen years, that they didn't share her same flesh and blood?

"We have to tell her", Laura repeated, giving her husband no chance to reply as she stood up from the chair and walked out of the kitchen to go upstairs. Sighing in defeat, Ted followed her.

When they found themselves standing right outside Rachel's room, they exchanged looks, hoping to have the courage to face the storm that would devastate their lives forever. Laura inhaled deeply before she knocked on Rachel's door.

"Come in", she heard the teenager say from inside the room. Looking at each other one last time, the parents opened the door to face their daughter.

"Honey, can we talk for a minute?", the mother asked, trying not to let her voice show any weakness.

"Sure", Rachel answered, closing the book she was reading and standing up from the chair to sit back down on the bed. "What is it?"

"Well… I don't know how to start…", Laura said, hesitating. "We just want you to know that it won't change what we feel towards you"

"What are you talking about?", the daughter asked, frowning. Now that she was paying attention, Rachel saw something in her parents' faces she had never seen before, but she couldn't really describe it.

"We haven't told you before because we didn't think it would make a difference", Ted spoke for the first time, leaving Rachel even more confused.

"What's going on?", she asked impatiently as she stood up from her bed.

"Rachel… You're adopted", Laura answered, unable to ignore the pressure in her heart.

The girl's world seemed to have stopped as she let her body sit down on the bed without even noticing it. Had she heard what she thought she had? She was _adopted_? No, it couldn't be true. It was clearly a bad taste joke her parents had invented, because she was not adopted. Rachel had an entire life of memories in which Laura and Ted were often the main characters, so she had to be their daughter. Why were they saying she wasn't?

"Honey?", her mother called and Rachel looked at her, barely recognizing her: her mind was frozen and she couldn't speak.

"Say something", Ted pleaded, in vain. She still couldn't show any signs that she understood what she was being told, because she didn't understand.

"Rachel, please, say something", Laura repeated as she started to cry.

The daughter they had raised managed to stand up again, remembering she had legs, and walked away from them and towards her desk, turning her back to them. She closed her eyes, hoping those words were just a nightmare she would soon wake up from, but she knew they weren't: Rachel had to accept her parents wouldn't joke about something so serious.

"You lied to me", were her first words, which hid a screaming rage inside of her.

"No, we didn't", Laura replied, reaching out her hand to touch Rachel's shoulder. "We just…"

"You lied!", Rachel screamed, interrupting her mother as she repelled her. "Why are you telling me this now?"

Ted and Laura hesitated when they heard her furious question; it was the essential motive of their revelation and, yet, they were terrified by it. Although they both knew it was inevitable, they wished there was nothing more to tell so their beloved child wouldn't leave them. Would Rachel prefer her biological mother after hearing the whole truth?

"Calm down, honey. Please", Laura said, afraid of what could happen next. The teenager walked a few feet away from her and crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.

"We had to tell you because… your real mother was here today", the father answered courageously and it didn't seem to please Rachel at all.

"You know who my real mother is?", she asked incredulously. Nothing could stop being unreal to her.

"We didn't know until today", was Laura's answer. It wasn't completely true, but the foster mother knew further explanations wouldn't make anything easier. "She was here because she wants to meet you"

"But _I_ don't want to meet her! I don't even want to see you two! Get out!", Rachel ordered, knowing she couldn't take it anymore. The parents left her room in silence, since there was nothing they could say or do to ease her pain.

Finding herself alone in the bedroom, Rachel started to cry. She didn't want to believe anything she had just heard: she was adopted and her biological mother wanted to meet her. She felt she had absolutely no control over her life and it made her feel revolted and scared. Because nothing seemed right at the moment, Rachel Roberts couldn't imagine what the next day would be like.


	5. Mother And Daughter

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter V: Mother And Daughter.

Rachel had spent the entire night awake and crying and, when the morning finally rose, she still found everything strange and from another world. She didn't feel she was the same person anymore, but, at the same time, refused to let anything change her and her life as she knew it. How could someone come and tell her she was not who she thought she was? How could she continue with her life and forget it was a lie?

She looked at the closed curtains blocking the sunlight and wished she didn't have to live that first day of her new view on the world. Getting out of bed and facing the facts was something Rachel was not willing to do and she stubbornly tried to convince herself that no one could make her do it.

A knock on the door immediately told her things couldn't always be done her way. She didn't answer but heard the one she had called mother all her life enter the room like she did every morning. Today, Rachel didn't want to go to school and there was not a living soul that could take her out of bed and make her go. This just wasn't a regular day and she wasn't going to pretend it was.

"Rachel?", she heard Laura call but didn't answer. "I know you don't want to see me or anyone… but she's here", were the words that followed and they were enough for the girl to face her.

"I don't want to meet her", she stated rather childishly.

"You don't have to do anything. Just greet her, listen to what she has to say and then you'll never have to see her again", Laura said impatiently, knowing she was lying to her daughter. Rachel just stared at her for a long time, trying to decide whether or not she should meet the woman who had obviously abandoned her.

"Why would she come to see me after all this time if I'll never see her again after today?", Rachel asked, frowning. She was sure Laura wasn't telling her everything, but she didn't know exactly what she was hiding.

"I don't know", was another lie from the foster mother. "She must have her reasons"

The girl remained silent after the answer, still not wanting to even step out of her bedroom. Would the woman eventually leave if she didn't show up? Although it was a very tempting option, Rachel realized that, if she ran away from the problem now, then she would spend the rest of her life doing it. So, she decided to get out of bed and, without another word to Laura, exited the room to go downstairs.

* * *

Jean was sitting in the living room as she waited nervously to see her daughter again. She hadn't slept at all the previous night and had checked her look several times before leaving the mansion; she didn't want the girl to have a bad first impression of her, even though it was not the first time they met. The waiting only made her incapable of keeping away the thoughts of rejection and she was starting to fear her child wouldn't show up. Suddenly, she heard steps from outside the room and looked at the door.

Rachel entered the living room and stopped abruptly as she saw the woman from the previous day waiting for her. _She_ was her mother? Trying not to show any of her feelings, she slowly walked to the armchair opposite the woman's couch and sat down in silence, deciding she wouldn't be the one to start a conversation.

The only known class five mutant couldn't stop looking at her with the same love and pride a human mother would. She was finally there and all Jean had to do was reach out her hand and touch her to know she was real. But, fortunately for her, she noticed the teenager's expression before she could do anything.

"Hi", she said with a nervous smile. "I'm Jean Grey"

"Rachel Roberts", the daughter replied coldly, causing pain in Jean's heart.

"I… I had planned so many things to say for when this moment came, but I can't remember any of them right now", the mutant stated, trying to ease the tension between them.

"Why don't you tell me what you want after having abandoned me as a baby?", Rachel asked with no sensitivity in her voice, surprising her true mother.

"I haven't abandoned you", she stated, unsure of how to explain herself. "I mean… I searched for you all these years"

"Why?"

"Because I made a mistake and I want to fix it", Jean continued, sounding firm this time.

"And who says I want to forgive you?", Rachel questioned the stranger as she tried not to lose her temper.

"I just want to explain everything. You don't know anything about me or yourself", was Jean's answer with well chosen words to catch Rachel's attention.

"Then tell me", she replied, crossing her arms.

Jean told her almost everything about the night her baby girl was born and the despair she had been through all those years after deeply regretting her decision. Rachel didn't feel touched by the story, but remained silent as the stranger spoke; at least she would know where she had come from. The headmistress of Xavier's School realized, while studying her daughter's face, that all those past events she was being forced to remember had no effect on the girl, but didn't show any signs of weakness as she continued the story.

"How did you find me?", Rachel asked after thinking about everything she had just heard.

"Well, that's a bit hard to explain but… have you heard about mutants?", Jean asked back, almost regretting to have touched the subject.

"What about them?"

"I'm one of them", the redhead answered, shielding her emotions to prepare herself for Rachel's reaction.

The teenage girl stared at that woman expecting her to say something serious, but it didn't happen. Did she actually want her to believe it that easily? This Jean Grey looked like a perfectly normal person, but obviously the same adjective wasn't adequate for her head.

"You're not serious, are you?", he asked, making the stranger sound ridiculous.

"Yes, I am", Jean answered, hiding her shock and pain. "I have mind powers derived from a mutation"

"Okay, this is weird…", Rachel stated, starting to doubt that crazy woman was even her real mother. Then, she saw one of the magazines on the coffee table slowly rise up in the air. And then another. And another.

She violently stood up from her seat and ran to the door, but stopped before leaving the room and looked at Jean again.

"You're a freak!", Rachel yelled and ran out of the living room, leaving Jean alone to control her emotions.

Only in that moment Jean Grey realized she wasn't prepared to face her daughter's rejection as an enormous disappointment took over her; pain consumed her thoughts. But the mutant would not give up, not again. Her daughter had to see what was best for her once she found she was a mutant as well and Jean would have to make her understand her place was with her mother.


	6. The Aftermath

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter VI: The Aftermath.

Rachel had locked the door of her bedroom hoping it would keep all the pain away, but it didn't. She couldn't just erase the fact that she wasn't who she had always thought she was. That Jean Grey had suddenly come to destroy her life and walk on the remaining shards of it. What could Rachel do now? Even though it was her strongest wish, she couldn't rewind time and expect everything to be normal again.

_Normal_. The word didn't even make sense to her anymore, especially after finding out her biological mother was one of those strange mutants. Rachel had never met one before and she was glad for it: she found them rather disgusting and thought they should be kept away from society. That was the reason why, apart from the abandonment, she would never accept Jean Grey as her mother.

* * *

She was still sitting on the couch, not knowing what to do. Ted and Laura had entered the living room, expecting her to say something, but Jean barely noticed them. She was shocked by her daughter's reaction, although it hadn't been completely unexpected. Of course a teenager couldn't react well to sudden changes, especially unwanted ones. There had to be something Jean could do to reverse the situation, but she couldn't think properly at the moment.

"She doesn't want to see you anymore", Laura stated coldly, even though Jean Grey terrified her. The mutant finally looked at her, seeing her.

"That's because she doesn't know what she is yet", she replied as she slowly stood up. "She ran out of the room before I could tell her she's a mutant"

"Get out of here!", Ted yelled, clearly not knowing how to deal with that new reality.

"I know you haven't legally adopted her", Jean stated rather menacingly. "Since it's obvious I can prove by all means that I am her mother, I think you should talk to… Rachel"

She felt her emotional side growing and she had no wish to control it, but she knew that releasing her anger would not make things better. Jean also knew Ted and Laura's reaction was perfectly understandable, but she couldn't just forget her own child.

Opening her purse and then her wallet, she took a visiting card out of it and put it on the coffee table. She looked at the couple standing before her and, knowing words were unnecessary, walked out of their living room and out of their house. As she walked away, Jean wished it was the last time she was doing so. Unfortunately, reality was far from that.

* * *

Several days passed since Jean's visit and Rachel still wasn't capable of returning to her normal life. She attended school and did her homework; she ate, slept and did almost everything a teenage girl does. But she didn't feel she was really living; she was just on automatic pilot. The only thing that often awoke her senses was the thought that Jean Grey existed and she was not gone forever. Rachel knew the mutant wouldn't leave her alone that easily.

The woman who claimed to be her biological mother hadn't contacted her since her visit, but Rachel didn't feel relieved. The girl thought she was probably expecting her to go to her, but it wouldn't happen: real mother or not, she didn't want that woman in her life.

Rachel arrived home after the last day of school that week and silently walked upstairs to her room. She barely spoke lately and Laura, who watched her from the kitchen door, knew exactly why: her daughter didn't know what to say about her new found reality. In fact, no one in that house knew how to live now: Laura and Ted still hadn't talked about the adoption and it was consuming their lives.

Sighing, Laura followed her daughter and knocked on the open door of her bedroom. The girl didn't even look at her as she sat on her bed, pretending to read a book; she was still trying to ignore her reality. Laura silently entered the room and sat down on the opposite end of Rachel's bed, knowing there were no soft words to ease their pain.

"Rachel, honey…", she started, but her daughter wouldn't look away from the book. "Rachel, we can't pretend nothing's happening. Not anymore"

"What do you want?"

"I have to tell you that…", Laura paused, fighting her warm tears. "even though we've always loved and raised you as our daughter… we never legally adopted you", she continued, feeling unprepared for the teenage reaction.

"What do you mean, 'legally'?", Rachel asked, finally looking at Laura.

"What I'm trying to say is… Jean Grey wants you to go live with her and she has the law on her side because there is no paper to prove Ted and I adopted you… because we never did", was the mother's painful answer.

Rachel didn't know what to think after hearing those words. Of course she was angry at the couple she had always called her parents, but she still loved them and didn't want to leave them for a stranger who claimed to be her mother. Standing up from the bed, she walked to the window and then faced Laura again.

"I have to go live with that… _freak_?", she finally asked, incredulous. "She comes out of nowhere after fifteen years and I have to change my whole life just because _she_ says so?"

"You should talk to her, Rachel", Laura answered, standing up as well. "Maybe she'll let you stay with us and decide to visit you from time to time if you convince her", she continued, feeling guilty for trying to manipulate her daughter.

"I don't want her to visit me! I don't want to see her ever again!", the teenage girl stated loudly.

"My hands are tied…", Laura replied, defeated.

Rachel didn't say anything else as she grabbed her messenger bag and ran out of the room to run out of the house soon after. Her mother didn't follow her; she didn't even try to stop her. A very confused teenager needed her time alone to think, to analyze the facts and to accept the world couldn't bow to her will. She felt trapped in a nightmare with no end in sight and she couldn't find a way to wake up from it.


	7. Alone

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter VII: Alone.

She stood in the same spot all those minutes after Rachel left. What could she do to send that torment away? Hadn't they suffered enough already? Laura knew a happy ending was very improbable for their story and despair was drowning her soul. Only Jean Grey could decide if their lives would remain the same or be changed forever and the foster mother of Rachel already knew what her choice was.

She finally walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs to go to the living room: she knew what needed to be done. Picking up the visiting card she had never even touched before, she looked at it and searched for the courage to do what she didn't want to do.

Laura sat down on the armchair and picked up the telephone to dial Jean's number. As she waited for what seemed to be forever, she resisted the urge to hang up; she was not ready to let that stranger control her family's life.

"Hello?", the mutant's voice answered from the other side of the line.

"Dr. Jean Grey?", she asked, fully convinced she couldn't go back now. "This is Laura Roberts"

"Oh…", Jean's voice said, clearly surprised.

"I've thought a lot before deciding to call you, but I think you should talk to Rachel again and listen to what she has to say", Laura continued, sounding firm, although her soul was breaking.

"But… why didn't she call?", Jean asked hesitantly, still shocked.

"She doesn't know I'm calling you. She isn't even home right now", the foster mother paused, thinking twice about what she was about to do. "I know where she might be and maybe… you should go to her", she finished, immediately regretting her words. Where was she leading Rachel's life to?

* * *

She watched as people walked by but she didn't see them; there were many things far more important to think about. Rachel wished she could run away from everything and everyone, but she didn't have the courage to do it. Even if she had, she knew she would regret it: her parents were still the most important people in her life and she would never leave them behind.

The park was almost empty as not many people visited it during the week and Rachel was glad for it. Her loneliness was the only thing she needed at the moment; she just couldn't think straight and for a long time with people around her. The calm silence in that place was only interrupted by the soft chirp of a bird and Rachel felt she could spend the rest of her life trapped in that moment, with no future ahead of her.

She didn't notice her arrive until she was sitting down next to her on the bench. The girl didn't need to look to know who it was and she wasn't surprised by the visit at all.

"What are you doing here?", she asked calmly, still not looking at Jean Grey.

"You know why I'm here", Jean answered, trying to hide the emotion in her voice.

"I don't want to live with you", Rachel stated after a short silence and turned her head to look at her mother. "I don't know what you expect from me after all these years, but I can't change my life just because you remembered I exist"

"I never forgot you existed. I just couldn't find you earlier. Rachel…", Jean paused; that name was still unfamiliar to her. "I told you I'm a mutant and what my abilities are. Those abilities kept me from finding you as a baby and someone else had to do it for me, but that's a different story", she continued and then paused, taking in a deep breath. "The important thing is that mutations are genetic and…", Jean fell silent, knowing the truth would only hurt her daughter more.

"Are you saying that… I'm a mutant as well?", the teenager asked after thinking about what her biological mother had just said.

"Yes", was Jean's answer.

"But… I can't be", Rachel stated, trying to remember if there was anything uncommon about her.

"You inherited my abilities", the mutant mother replied. "But I blocked them when you were born so I couldn't look for you after that night. I thought you would be happier as a human, but I regretted my decision"

"I _am_ happier as a human", the daughter said, looking Jean in the eye for the first time. At this point, she believed everything the woman had told her, but she still didn't accept it. "I want to continue that way. Please, let me live my life the way it is now"

"Laura and Ted are not your parents and they will never understand you as well as I can understand", Jean Grey stated as she saw that being a mutant didn't change the girl's mind.

"The fact that they raised me for fifteen years makes them my parents; it makes them understand me and know me better than anyone in this world", Rachel replied, standing up from the bench.

"I don't want to force you to come live with me, but I can't leave you with them", the mutant said as she stood up as well.

"Then you are forcing me to go live with you", was the teenage girl's last words before she started walking away from her.

"Tomorrow", Jean finished with no compassion in her voice. That single word made Rachel stop abruptly, but it didn't make her turn around. After a few seconds, she finally walked away until she was out of her mother's sight.

Pain stabbed her heart as Jean watched her daughter leave and she finally gave in to her tears. Now more than ever she felt there was no return to what she had done and she would have to carry that guilt for the rest of her life. Why couldn't she have thought clearly the night her baby was born? Today, that baby was a teenage girl who wanted nothing more than to keep Jean away from her. It was too late…


	8. Time To Say Goodbye

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter VIII: Time To Say Goodbye.

It was not an ordinary Saturday for Rachel Roberts; it was a day she had wished would never come and she could not hide from it. She didn't need to look out the window to know Jean Grey was probably outside the house waiting for her and she didn't need to go downstairs to know her parents were heartbroken by her imminent departure. Rachel hated those facts, but she hated the fact that she couldn't change them more. She just couldn't imagine how her life would be once she walked out that door forever and it scared her. She would never come close to liking Jean, she was sure, and she would certainly never accept she was anything else than what she knew she was: a human girl.

Closing the suitcase, Rachel looked around her at every detail of the bedroom that was no longer hers. It had been her refuge and her kingdom since she was three and, now, she had to give it up. Tears started threatening her self-control as the thought of _forever_ pushed its way into her mind and Rachel quickly wiped them away: she was on her own now and despair would not help her accept it.

She picked up her belongings and, memorizing the bedroom one last time, she went downstairs to find Laura and Ted standing by the front door: her eyes were red from crying the entire night and he tried to hide the pain of watching their daughter leave them for another family.

"I don't want to go", Rachel stated, finally breaking down. Laura's instinct was to hug her, to let her know everything would be alright, even though the foster mother could not imagine such thing.

"We'll always be here for you", Ted replied, caressing her hair. His daughter was not saying she didn't want to be left alone at school, like when she was six; she was saying she didn't want to be left alone in life and he couldn't stop it from happening. Jean Grey was taking their Rachel away in a selfish act of cruelty and didn't care if she destroyed their lives in the process.

Rachel and Laura finally parted, knowing the inevitable had arrived. The teenager opened the door and saw her biological mother already waiting outside for her. She started walking slowly, stepping out of the house, and wished the distance between her and Jean's car would never end.

Jean watched as her daughter reluctantly walked towards her and showed nothing but deep sadness in her face, making the mother feel guilty for such suffering. She saw her stop abruptly and look back at the couple who had raised her as if pleading for help. This image made a tornado of emotions rise inside the headmistress of Xavier's School and she had to concentrate hard to control it. After all, the girl's reaction was the only expected one and Jean could not let herself be enraged by it.

She opened the door of the car when Rachel started walking towards her again. The teenager handed her the suitcase when she approached her and entered the car in silence. Jean closed the door and looked at the Roberts, who were still standing by the front door of their house. She knew they would not leave her daughter's life as easily as she would like.

Rachel could not look away from her parents as the woman who was still a stranger to her put her luggage in the trunk and later occupied the driver's seat next to her. She wasn't capable of waving them goodbye as Jean started the engine and slowly drove away from the house. She never stopped looking at them until the car turned a corner, erasing them from her sight… probably forever.

Silence was all they heard on the way to the X-Mansion and it was making Jean uncomfortable. She knew she should say something, but she feared she would only find resistance from her daughter. What could she do to make the girl's new life easier? Only then the mutant mother realized she had been so busy trying to bring her home that she hadn't planned anything to guide her daughter through the new world she was about to enter. Rachel was definitely against mutant existence, so how could Jean help her fit in a house and school full of mutant teenagers?

They finally entered the gates of Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters and the only change in Rachel's face was her surprise to see the place where Jean lived.

"_This_ is your house?", she asked, feeling her throat was very dry.

"It's actually a school, but I live here, yes", Jean answered, relieved. Her daughter had finally spoken and the school had caught her attention.

"Great…", the girl whispered, annoyed, as she stepped out of the car. Not only she had to live in a new house, but she would also constantly be in a _school_.

Jean carried her daughter's suitcase as they entered the mansion. The teenager's first impression of the entrance hall was that of amazement: the classic and rich decoration from the floor to the ceiling was something she had only seen in a couple of museums. She didn't have time to take in every detail as they walked up a large staircase leading to another floor. On top of the stairs, Rachel followed Jean as the woman turned to her left and continued walking down a rather large hallway until she stopped in front of one of the many wood doors on each side of the hallway.

"This is your room", Jean said as she opened the door and stepped aside to let Rachel enter the room.

Even though it seemed very comfortable, the room was not vey appealing to the girl; it was just too impersonal and she doubted she would feel at ease there.

"Thanks", was her only reply, which indicated Jean could leave. Her biological mother put the suitcase on the bed as she tried not to lose her patience, reminding herself that their relationship would not be easy. For a while, at least.

"I thought I could show you around", she suggested with a little sparkle of hope in her heart.

"Maybe later", Rachel answered, clearly ending that very short and very awkward conversation.

"Oh… Alright", the mutant said, looking at her daughter one last time before leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind her. Standing alone in the corridor, Jean Grey closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply. Her daughter's rejection was hurting her more than she had previously expected and she was starting to lose her faith in the hope that everything would be alright.


	9. Can You Define Normal?

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter IX: Can You Define Normal?

Rachel sighed as she started to unpack her belongings. She wished she could find the life she wanted back inside the suitcase, but she only had a few clothes and personal items instead. The closet she had in her new bedroom was too big to keep only small shards of life she had brought with her.

Putting the empty suitcase under the bed, the girl looked around and still couldn't believe that bedroom was her new home. She couldn't stop thinking about Laura and Ted and she couldn't stand to look at that unfamiliar room anymore, so she opened the door and stepped out of it only to realize she didn't know where to go. Since she only knew the way back to the main entrance of the mansion, Rachel decided to take that direction.

As she went downstairs, she didn't find anyone on her way and, reminding herself that the mansion was also a school, she thought everyone was probably in class. Reaching the main entrance, Rachel decided to take the corridor on her right and take her time to see everything. From the paintings on the wall to the soft carpet on the floor, she paid attention to every detail she could as she silently thanked no one in particular for that lonely and silent moment.

Then, without any warning, dozens of people came out of what Rachel quickly assumed to be the classrooms. She stood in the middle of the corridor, not knowing where to go, when she suddenly felt something run _through_ her.

"Oh, sorry", she heard a girl's voice say but, before she could turn around to see its owner, they were already gone.

Everyone disappeared as quickly as they had appeared, leaving Rachel standing in the same spot, shocked.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to them", a different voice stated from behind her. Turning around again, Rachel saw a man in a wheelchair. He was clearly older than Jean and the girl wondered if she was in the presence of another long lost relative.

This man seemed to have endless wisdom in his eyes and it made Rachel feel uncomfortable, like he could read her thoughts. Then, she remembered that, according to Jean, mind-reading was not impossible, although the teenager didn't really believe it.

"I'm Rachel Roberts", she spoke hesitantly.

"I'm Professor Charles Xavier", the man replied. "I'm the founder of this school"

Rachel didn't say anything else as she just stood there staring at the Professor. She wanted to ask him what was he thinking when he decided to create that shelter for freaks, but now that she was calm, she knew her words would be considered a rude attitude.

Charles entered the room he had come out of as if silently inviting the girl to follow him and that's exactly what she did. The room was a small library full of wooden chairs, which were clearly used by students to attend their classes.

Paying attention to her surroundings, Rachel walked across the room and sat down on a comfortable armchair opposite Charles.

"Do you actually teach people how to be… mutants?", she finally asked after a while.

"We don't teach anyone how to be anything, Karah… I mean, Rachel", the Professor answered calmly, not offended by her words. "We just help mutants accept and embrace their gifts so they can fully comprehend them"

"Shouldn't you do the opposite? I mean, they should want to be normal", Rachel stated, not convinced by Charles' words at all.

"Well, can you define normal?", was the Professor's question, to which Rachel didn't have the answer. "They would be living a lie if they tried to hide or ignore who they really are", he continued and she realized her was talking about her life.

"I'm sorry. I have to go", she said, standing up from her seat and not wanting to face the truth.

She walked to the open door and, before she could step out of the library, a single thought stopped her.

"Why did you call me Karah?", she asked, turning around to face the Professor again.

"That's something you should ask Jean", he answered, letting her know he had nothing else to say.

Rachel finally exited the room; the last thing she wanted was to see Jean Grey, so she decided to forget her question for a while. She continued walking down the hallway and found a very comfortable and empty living room that was connected to a stone balcony.

Stepping outside, she could see a huge garden in which several people who she assumed to be students were engaged in different activities. Rachel couldn't really describe them as normal since some of them had obvious physical mutations. How could anyone expect her to fit in that place full of strange creatures?

Then, she saw Jean standing by a tree, apparently lost in her own thoughts. Paying attention to her features, the teenage girl still refused to believe that woman was her mother: apart from the red hair, which could be a coincidence, they looked nothing alike. Besides, Rachel doubted she had a genetic mutation in common with Jean.

Suddenly, Jean turned her head and looked at her daughter, who quickly disappeared from her sight by entering the living room. The headmistress was starting to realize she had rushed things; she had spent sixteen years looking for her daughter so desperately that she hadn't really thought about the possibility of never bonding with her. On the other hand, she knew she couldn't have waited much longer because of her daughter's inherited gift; the sooner she learned to accept it, the sooner she would be able to control it.

"How is she?", she suddenly heard Scott's voice ask and turned around to face him, sighing.

"Rebellious", Jean answered, feeling sad. "I knew this wouldn't be easy, but there's so much she needs to know and I can't teach her if she doesn't let her guard down"

"She's a teenager, that's how she's supposed to be", Scott replied.

"I know. I think I'm just afraid it's too late…", Jean said, looking at the empty balcony once again. She had never thought motherhood would hurt so much.


	10. Karah

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter X: Karah.

Rachel was sitting on the bed and trying to figure out what to do from that moment on. She couldn't imagine a new life after that day, especially because it was a life she didn't want to live. What about her school? What about her friends? Jean Grey certainly wasn't expecting her to replace those things with the ones in the mansion, Rachel hoped, because it wouldn't happen.

A knock on the door pulled the girl out of her thoughts. She didn't want to answer, but she knew she couldn't leave her biological mother standing outside the room forever.

"Come in", Rachel said, not looking at the door. Jean entered the room and closed the door behind her before she spoke.

"I forgot to tell you, but we usually dine at seven", she started and Rachel looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table; it was 7.10 p.m. already.

"I'm not hungry, but thanks", the daughter answered, not showing any interest in having dinner with her. Jean felt hurt by Rachel's attitude, but she was also losing her patience… again.

"Alright, then", was Jean's reply as she walked to the desk and placed what looked like a notebook on it, then left the bedroom.

In the hallway, Jean was capable of fighting her tears. She knew everything would take its time to be fixed, although there was no time to waste if she thought about the teenager's training. The thing she wanted the most was to have her daughter's love, but she was aware that her biggest achievement could be only the girl's acceptance of her mutant heritage.

Rachel looked at the notebook for a while before she stood up from the bed and walked to the desk. Opening the notebook, she found a hand-written schedule of what she assumed to be her classes and directions of how to find each classroom, the cafeteria and other places of interest in the mansion.

"That's thoughtful", she said to herself. Closing the notebook, she sat down on the bed again, not interested in attending any of those classes full of mutants. Would that Jean Grey never understand that Rachel didn't want to be an outcast? She was a normal teenage girl and that's what she wanted to be.

She didn't have anything to do in that bedroom and she wasn't planning on going downstairs, so Rachel decided to go to sleep. After changing to her pajamas and getting into bed, she turned off the light and waited for sleep to come to her. It wasn't an easy task as all the events from that strange day kept playing on her mind like a sadistic joke. It was not until late in the night that Rachel finally fell asleep.

* * *

Jean had spent most of the night awake thinking about everything that had happened in those last few days, so she didn't really look refreshed as she sat at the teachers' table in the cafeteria. Professor Xavier, who was sitting opposite her, hadn't spoken since she had arrived, giving her time to put herself together.

"Why do I have this feeling that today isn't going to be an easy day?", she asked, sounding defeated.

"Since when do you trust such feelings, Jean?", the Professor asked in return.

"Since I found my very rebellious and very rude daughter and brought her home", Jean answered as she watched Rachel enter the room. The girl didn't see her and Jean would leave it that way for now.

Rachel was standing by the door of the cafeteria while she looked around without really looking at anything or anyone in particular. What she did notice was that the cafeteria was nothing like the one in her old school: it was a very elegant room, just like the rest of the mansion she had seen so far, and the food was displayed like a five star hotel breakfast buffet.

Hesitantly picking up her breakfast in a tray, she tried to find an empty table to sit at, but there wasn't one. She didn't want to sit with strangers, especially if they were mutants, and she was almost giving up her breakfast when she heard a voice calling.

"Hey!", it said and Rachel looked around to see where it came from. "Over here!", finally, she saw a girl who was probably her age waving almost frantically and gesturing for her to sit at her table. Rachel wasn't sure if she was calling for her, but, seeing nobody else standing there, she assumed she was.

Sitting with that girl suddenly didn't look like a bad idea and she looked pretty normal, so Rachel decided to walk to her table and sit down.

"Hi, I'm Kitty", the girl introduced herself cheerfully.

"Rachel", she replied timidly.

"You're the girl from the hallway", Kitty stated with a smile. Taking a better look at her, Rachel could see Kitty was almost as tall as she, had brown hair and eyes and a rather nice smile. "I'm the one who ran through you yesterday"

"Oh…", Rachel couldn't hide her disappointment, but Kitty didn't seem to notice.

"So, what brought you here?", the other girl asked, interested.

"Uh… Let's just say it's family issues", was the only answer Jean's daughter could think of.

"I see… Well, you won't have time to think about that because it's time to go to class", Kitty stated, standing up. "Biology, right?"

"Yes", Rachel answered as she stood up as well. Even though she didn't want to live and study in the mansion, she knew she couldn't drop her studies.

"Great! Let's go, then", her new acquaintance replied, showing her the way out of the cafeteria and to their classroom. Since she had a guide, Rachel didn't need to read Jean's directions.

As they entered the room, she could see several other kids were already there, causing the small chaos any group of teenagers would before the class started. Rachel tried not to look directly at anyone and nobody seemed to notice she was new there.

"Here", Kitty said, pointing to two empty chairs in the second row. The new girl in class reluctantly walked to one of them and sat down in silence, not really wanting to keep talking to Kitty; she seemed to be a good person, but she was still a mutant.

Fortunately, they didn't have much time to talk because the teacher finally arrived and the students fell silent.

"Good morning, class", she said and received a few replies. She then looked at Rachel but didn't say anything as she started her lesson.

The subject was exactly the same as in Rachel's old school and she picked it up where she had left off. Throughout the hour and a half, she tried to think of it as a normal class that wasn't full of what she called freaks. There was absolutely no possibility of fitting in; her only wish was to return to her home and to her parents.

The teacher finally ended the lesson, giving her students homework to do before they rushed out of the room. Rachel waited a minute before she stood up to leave as well as Kitty waited for her. She then noticed the teacher approaching and looked at the black woman with white hair.

"Rachel, isn't it?", she asked, sounding friendly. "I'm Ororo. Here's a textbook for you. If you have any questions about the subject, bring them tomorrow to share with your classmates, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks", was Rachel's short answer before hesitantly turning around and leaving the room, followed by Kitty.

"We also call her Storm", Kitty stated as they walked down the hallway.

"Storm?", Rachel repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because she can control the weather", the other teenage girl answered as if it was something… normal.

"Are you saying mutants have nicknames according to their… mutations? Like superheroes?", were Rachel's surprised questions. Were these people also mentally ill?

"Some of us do, but it's not like we use them often", Kitty answered and Rachel opened her notebook to check her schedule, trying to end that bizarre conversation.

"The next class is in Jean Grey's office?", she asked, unhappy to know she would have to face Jean.

"Yours is", Kitty confirmed, reading Rachel's schedule. "That's weird. Jean never gives private lessons"

"Yeah, it's weird…", were Rachel's words as she wondered why Jean would interrupt her classes to give her a private lesson. Was she really that desperate for attention?

"Well, I'll see you later, then", Kitty said with a smile before she continued her way down the hallway and disappeared around the corner.

Sighing, Rachel realized she couldn't avoid Jean forever. Following her directions, she walked through the hallways of the mansion until she found the office. Taking a deep breath, Rachel knocked on the door.

"Come in", she heard Jean's voice say from the inside the room and opened the door.

Jean was sitting behind her desk and she looked at Rachel as she entered the room and closed the door. Just like every time she saw her daughter, emotion took over her, making it hard to control herself.

Rachel looked around, thinking she had yet to find a room in that mansion that wasn't as comfortable and elegant like everything she had seen so far. Finally, she looked at Jean. Mother and daughter didn't say a word for a while, each with their own motives: Jean didn't want to upset her daughter even more and Rachel simply didn't want to talk to Jean.

"Please, sit down", the headmistress finally said, standing up as she gestured to one of the two armchairs near the big window of the office. The girl accepted the suggestion in silence while Jean sat down on the other armchair.

"So, what's this lesson about?", Rachel asked, sounding bored.

"Well, do you remember what I told you about the abilities you inherited from me?", Jean asked back, but received no answer. "I've scheduled these sessions to unlock your powers and teach you how to control and use them"

"You really don't get it, do you?", the girl questioned, losing her patience. "I don't believe that crap and I don't want to be like you", she continued. "I don't want to be your daughter"

"That's something you can't change", Jean replied in a harsh tone. "You may not like it, but you _are_ a mutant, you _are_ my daughter and I know you are safer here. I know what's best for you"

"If you knew what's best for me, you wouldn't have destroyed my life, which was perfect without you in it", Rachel stated cruelly, looking away from Jean.

"I'm sorry you think that way", the mother said, taking control of the anger she felt.

Silence fell between them as both tried to deal with their emotions. Jean knew the girl's bitterness was inevitable and, to a certain point, understandable. Rachel, on the other hand, decided not to accept Jean as her mother even if it meant to feel unhappy for the rest of her life.

"Who's Karah?", she suddenly asked, recalling the conversation with Professor Xavier.

"You", Jean answered calmly. "You are Karah", she paused as she saw her daughter's puzzled expression. "It's what I named you when you were born"

"You gave me a name and then gave me away for adoption?", Rachel asked with disgust. "That's sick"

"I know everything is difficult for you to accept right now, but in time you'll understand it", Jean answered apologetically. "I know you will eventually understand who you are"

"I know exactly who I am", the daughter stated, standing up from her seat. "And I know exactly who I don't want to be", she finished, walking away and exiting the office, leaving Jean devastated once again.


	11. One Of Those Mutants

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter XI: One Of Those Mutants.

Three days has passed since Rachel had arrived at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters and a lot had happened to the teenage girl during that period of time. She had learned that Jean Grey had given her a name when she was born, a name which was completely different from the one she had had all her life. Rachel had also found Jean was married to Scott Summers, a man who was not her father and who she had no interest in getting to know as well.

In those days, she had also met Kitty's closest friends in that school. Marie was a year older than Rachel and wore gloves all the time because, according to her, she had the ability to absorb the physical strength and the abilities of anyone she touched. Bobby was Marie's boyfriend and his mutation granted him the power to turn anything into ice, including his own body. John, who was Bobby's best friend, had the ability to control fire. Kitty, like Rachel had had the opportunity to see, could walk through any solid object. Rachel had also learned their codenames, but refused to call them by those. In fact, she did her best not to speak to the mutants at all.

She was sitting on the grass under a tree in the garden trying to concentrate on her English homework. But her worries kept her from accomplishing her goal, though; there was simply too much going on and she couldn't ignore it.

"There you are", she heard Kitty say and, a second later, the girl was sitting next to her on the grass. "It almost looks like you're hiding from everyone"

"I'm just trying to do my homework", Rachel replied without looking at Kitty. Then, she decided to do it. Even though Kitty was a mutant, Rachel felt the need to talk, to tell everything to someone and that someone at the moment was Kitty. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure. What is it?", the other girl asked, interested.

"Can I trust you won't tell anyone?"

"Of course, if that's what you want", Kitty answered in a worried tone.

"Well… Remember I told you I'm here because of family issues?", she asked and Kitty nodded in silence.

For an entire hour, Rachel told Kitty the story of how she ended up at the mansion from her point of view. She had lived with a couple she believed to be her real parents for nearly sixteen years until Jean Grey decided to go and shatter life as Rachel knew it. Telling her they were both mutants, the headmistress of the school took her away from home to a place she didn't want to go to.

Kitty listened to her words with astonishment written on her face, but tried not to ask too many questions. After all, Rachel was unhappy and sad and just needed someone to listen to her.

"So here I am: stuck with her in a place full of _mutants_", she finished, sighing in frustration.

"Well… You've gone through a lot these past few days", Kitty stated. "I understand you're having trouble in getting along with Jean, but if you really inherited her powers, you could be a class five mutant and the only other person capable of training you is the Professor. Maybe you should talk to him", she advised with a small smile and only then Rachel realized Kitty hadn't understood her other problem besides Jean Grey.

"I don't mean to offend you, Kitty, but… I don't want to learn anything about that. In fact, I don't even believe I'm a mutant and I don't want to be one. I don't want to live among mutants. I just want to go home and have my life back", she replied, almost desperately. "I want to be normal"

"Oh… You're one of _those_ mutants", the other mutant girl stated.

"What do you mean?", Rachel asked, slightly frowning.

"There are mutants who believe that, if they ignore what they are, they can pretend they aren't mutants", Kitty answered calmly. "I've met a couple of those. Believe me, nobody's happy living like that"

"I was very happy before this whole thing happened", the daughter of Jean Grey replied, feeling angry.

"That was before you found out you were a mutant", Shadowcat, as Kitty was also known, stated. "I know you're angry at Jean and you have the right to be. Just don't be angry at yourself as well, because being a mutant is not a bad thing: it doesn't make you any less human", she finished, standing up and walking away.

* * *

Jean was standing by the window of her office, thinking. She was finally getting used to the tension between her and the daughter she had named Karah, but dealing with her rejection was not easier. Just like she had decided, she was giving the girl some space and some more time to think and adapt, having cancelled her private lessons for now.

A knock on the open door of the office made Jean turn around to see Storm entering the room hesitantly.

"I thought you would like to know how Karah's doing in school", Storm said, placing a file on Jean's desk.

"Thanks", Jean replied, walking to the desk as she crossed her arms. "And how's her behavior in class?"

"She's very quiet", Storm answered calmly. "She usually comes in and leaves with Kitty Pryde, but they don't talk to each other much during class. But she always gives the correct answer when I ask her something, although I try not to draw too much attention to her, just like you asked me"

"It's the best thing to do right now. I don't want her to feel smothered by people she refuses to know", Jean paused, quickly reliving everything Rachel had said about mutants. "Thank you, Ororo. I really appreciate what you're doing"

"No problem", Storm replied with a smile before she left the room.

Jean sat down at her desk and opened her daughter's file, which contained the tests and other work she had done for school in those few days of living in the mansion. Apparently, she was a fairly good student who had been able to keep the concentration on her studies despite the situation she was living at the moment and Jean was relieved by that. At least, not everything had been destroyed in the girl's life.

* * *

She exited her bedroom, where she had just left her books, and closed the door before she went downstairs. As she reached the bottom of the staircase, she saw Scott coming from the left hallway and cursed herself for not having time to hide before he saw her.

"Hi, Karah", he said, approaching her.

"It's Rachel", she corrected rather bitterly.

"Right, I'm sorry", he apologized. "Rachel. Are you going to the cafeteria for dinner?"

"Uh… Yes", Rachel answered reluctantly because she knew what he would say next… without any _mind powers_, as she called it.

"Great. We can go together then", he stated, smiling at her.

"Okay…", she replied, having no other choice.

On her way to the cafeteria, Rachel remembered Kitty's words from that morning and thought that maybe she could give it a try at being civilized with Scott. She couldn't possibly like him because he was a mutant and, even worse, married to Jean Grey, her least favorite person in the world. Besides, from what she had been able to understand, he hadn't known of her existence until a day or two before Jean decided to visit her.

"So… What's your power?", she asked, breaking the silence.

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I wear these glasses all the time", he started and she nodded. "That's because my eyes create a destructive beam that can only be contained by them"

"Oh, so that's why they call you…", she didn't remember his codename.

"Cyclops", he finished.

"Right", she said. Then, they finally entered the cafeteria and Rachel turned to face Scott. "Thanks for the company", she said politely and walked away to meet Kitty and her friends.

* * *

Jean had seen Scott and Karah enter the room together and she couldn't believe it. Then, she saw her say something to him and walk away as Scott walked to Jean's table.

"What happened?", she asked, curious, as he sat down next to her.

"Nothing. We were both on our way here, so I kept her company", he answered and then held her hand. "Don't worry. She seems to be a nice kid. I'm sure she'll come around"

"I wish she would", Jean replied, looking at her daughter, who couldn't be less aware of her mother's presence in the cafeteria.


	12. Shatter

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter XII: Shatter.

The morning classes had gone well for Rachel. Fortunately, she had been able to keep up with her classmates on every subject and was having no problems with her studies. In fact, it was the only thing she was not having problems with. Even though Kitty's words two days before had been very wise and tolerant and Rachel had tried to keep them in mind during her short conversation with Scott, the teenager didn't feel capable of dealing with mutants as her equals; she tried to have normal conversations with her schoolmates and teachers but, sooner or later, the need to run away from them was stronger than the need to break her isolation.

She entered one of the four libraries she had found the mansion had to borrow a book she needed to read for Art class. Taking her time to take a look at other titles in the library, Rachel finally picked up the book she needed and, when she was about to leave the library, she saw Marie coming from the opposite direction. Knowing it would be rude not to speak to her, she waited for Kitty's friend to reach her.

"Hi", she greeted timidly.

"Hi, Marie", Rachel replied, not knowing what to say next.

"I'm going to meet the others in the garden. Do you want to come?", the gloved girl asked.

"Sure", Jean's daughter answered, even though she preferred to be alone.

They didn't walk very fast because they had no classes in the following two hours, but they weren't talking much either. The awkward silence was bothering Rachel, who still couldn't think of anything ordinary to talk about with a mutant. Then, she looked at Marie's hands and wondered if she would want to talk about her abilities.

"Can I ask you something, Marie?", Rachel finally asked.

"Of course"

"How is it?", was her next question, which puzzled Marie. "I mean, to live without touching anyone"

"It's... not easy. Actually, it's bad", Marie answered hesitantly, apparently trying to find the words to describe what Rachel wanted to know. "It's horrible when you can't touch any living being"

"Have you ever... wished you weren't a mutant?", Rachel asked, trying hard to imagine the other girl's torment.

"All the time. I'd give anything not to be like this", was Marie's calm answer. "Even though there is this school and people who took me in without having second thoughts later, it doesn't make it easier to bear. I would give up these abilities if I had the chance, honestly", she finished. Rachel looked at her in silence, thinking Marie was probably the person she could identify herself with the most in the mansion: both girls would give anything to be something different from what they really were.

* * *

As the weeks went by and the first rainy days of the season arrived, Rachel started to realize her life as she had once known it was gone forever. Even though she still ignored Jean Grey as much as she could, she understood her mother was not going to give in to her wishes. So, all she could do was wait for an opportunity to leave the mansion and never go back.

On a Thursday afternoon, the teenage girl was walking down one of the many corridors of the mansion, thinking about those wounds she thought would never heal, and suddenly found herself reaching the open door of Jean's office. She hadn't planned to stop in front of it and she certainly hadn't thought about entering the unoccupied room, but that's exactly what she did when the telephone on the desk caught her attention. Then, ideas started flooding her mind and she gave in to temptation.

Looking around to make sure nobody saw her, Rachel stepped into Jean's office and tried not to make a sound as she closed the door. She dropped her books on the nearest armchair and walked to the telephone, feeling the adrenaline rise in her. With the receiver in her hand, Rachel knew all she had to do was to dial the number she knew so well, but the scenery she found herself in didn't seem real. Why hadn't she thought about it before? Of course they were just waiting for her to do it and everything would be in its right place again, so the thing she wanted the most was not lost after all.

Taking in a deep breath, Rachel finally dialled the number and waited in silence to hear a voice on the other side.

"Hello?", Laura said as she picked up the phone and Rachel struggled to find her own voice.

"Mom?", she called, trying to control her emotions. A few seconds passed until the voice on the other side of the line spoke again.

"Rachel?", the woman she had always called mother didn't sound happy like Rachel had expected her to sound.

"Yes, mom, it's me", she replied, unable to stop a tear from escaping her eye.

"Are you alright?", Laura then asked, concerned. "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened. I'm fine", the girl quickly answered.

"Why are you calling?", was the hesitant question she heard from the other side and only then Rachel started to feel something was not right.

"I... I want to go home, mom"

"What do you mean? Is Jean sending you back?", Laura asked, confused, and Rachel's enthusiasm started to fade.

"No, but... you can come and get me, right?", despair was starting to take over the teenager's voice.

"Rachel, you know it's not that simple...", the adoptive mother clearly wasn't expecting Rachel to ask her to take her home.

"You've raised me for sixteen years. That has to mean something", Rachel insisted. "Jean will have to accept that..."

"Rachel", Laura interrupted her, trying to sound firm. "Ted and I have always loved you and the fact that Jean took you away after all these years broke our hearts", she then paused and Rachel waited impatiently for her to continue. "We will never forget you and will always love you, but... maybe we can't be the parents you need right now"

"What do you mean?", Rachel asked, frowning. Every word was cutting her heart like a knife and she knew she didn't want to hear the answer.

"Well... you're a mutant and... maybe you should be around people who... understand that", was Laura's reply as the girl felt she was about to faint. "Besides, we're moving to California and...", she trailed off, not knowing what else to say. "Rachel?"

At this point, Rachel couldn't hear anything as she could only feel the betrayal crawling up her skin, isolating her from those she had once thought to be her family. Hanging up abruptly, she ran away from the telephone and out of the office as her tears fell down and almost blinded her.

She couldn't feel anything but intense pain as she ran; the world had become the place she wished to escape from, because now everything in it was wrong. How could they have forgotten her so quickly? What had become of the unconditional love she had always been sure they felt for her? And how could that single sentence full of prejudice and rejection hurt so much?


	13. Family Ties

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter XIII: Family Ties.

Jean exited the auditorium, where she had just given another lecture, feeling tired and wanting nothing more than to return to the warmth of the mansion to calmly finish some paperwork with a cup of coffee as her company. After those last few weeks of living with her daughter, the headmistress had finally decided to let events take their own course; Karah would have the time she needed to accept who she really was.

Jean had her umbrella in hand, ready to face the rain, and was about to exit the building when a very strong headache took over her brain. She couldn't think straight and could barely feel the rest of her body, but she knew it was a pain she had never felt before and it could only mean one thing: something had happened to Rachel. Knowing she was not capable of driving, she called a taxi, trying very hard to control the headache.

Every second of that pain seemed like a hundred years to Jean and the only thing she could think about was the suffering her child was going through; even though she had blocked Rachel's powers on the day she was born, it was obvious their bond was stronger than that.

Jean Grey didn't pay attention to how much money she threw at the driver before she rushed out of the car and to the mansion. She was more aware of her surroundings and more in control of herself, but she couldn't rest until she had found her daughter. Ignoring everything and everyone in her way, Jean stopped running abruptly when she finally reached Rachel's bedroom door. She could hear her cry and an unbearable anxiety took over Jean before she decided to open the door.

The child she had named and had always loved as Karah was kneeled down on the floor crying desperately. Jean closed the door behind her and rushed to her daughter's side, embracing her. The teenage girl did not protest; it didn't matter if it was Jean, she needed to feel someone had not forgotten her.

Neither of them knew how long they had been like that when Rachel started to calm down, even though she couldn't stop crying completely.

"What happened?", Jean asked softly. Although she could feel her daughter's pain, she still couldn't read her mind.

Between sobs and tears, Rachel told her everything, not really thinking or even caring if Jean would be angry at her. She just needed to speak, to tell someone about that horrible feeling of rejection and that someone, at the moment, was Jean Grey.

The headmistress of Xavier's school listened to her daughter without interrupting her; she had no questions for her because she knew the teenager's actions were natural, expected even. She was not surprised that Rachel had called the people who she had always loved and had always taken care of her, but she was even less surprised that Laura had shown her love was not that unconditional. After all, parents always imagined their children to be perfect and, apparently for Ted and Laura, being a mutant was an imperfection.

They remained silent after Rachel finished telling everything to Jean. There was nothing the mother could say to ease the daughter's pain that she hadn't said before, but she could embrace her and silently assure her everything would be alright and that's what she did. Of course Jean was not the person Rachel wanted to comfort her in any situation, but the girl wasn't really aware of her presence; she just knew someone was there to hold her and that was enough for now.

* * *

Outside the mansion, the sun finally set, giving birth to a very rainy night. The hours had passed and Rachel had fallen asleep in the same spot. Without waking her up, Jean tried to keep her in a comfortable position, never letting go her of child. Unlike Rachel, she was unable to sleep. Knowing her daughter had experienced the pain of prejudice made her feel powerless; she wouldn't be able to protect her from it as much as she wanted to. All she could do was teach her about her abilities, help her understand them and show her why she shouldn't be ashamed of being who she was. But, for that to happen, Rachel had accept she was a mutant first.

Rachel opened her eyes to see her head was resting on someone's lap. Slowly sitting up, she saw Jean Grey was sitting beside her, awake. The room was dark, lit up only by the moonlight that came through the window. She was thankful for this because the headache hadn't left her yet, although it was not as strong as before. Looking at Jean, Rachel felt embarrassed in the presence of her biological mother for the first time since she had met her.

"What time is it?", she hesitantly asked, confused. She had no idea how many hours she had slept. Jean checked her watch.

"It's 6.12 a.m.", the mother answered, waiting for a reaction to what had happened earlier.

"Oh...", the teenage girl didn't know what to say. She thought Jean was probably angry at her but, for some reason, was not showing it.

"You haven't had dinner. Why don't we go to the kitchen and I'll make us a snack?", Jean asked with a kind smile. Rachel didn't want her to think she felt different towards her by accepting the offer, but she was hungry and would have to eat something eventually.

"Okay", was her short answer. They exited the bedroom and remained silent all the way to the kitchen. For some reason, that silence wasn't bothering them; it even felt comforting.

Rachel had never been in that kitchen before and, given the size of it, she doubted the food for the entire school was cooked there. She sat down on a stool, watching Jean prepare their meal, just like any mother would. Minutes later, she was eating a cheese and ham toasty, to which Jean had also added tomato, onion and oregano. It tasted delicious to Rachel, but she didn't let it show.

They had a quiet meal, both feeling unfamiliar with that situation: Jean had never had that kind of family moment because of her mistakes and Rachel had had many moments like that, just not with that mother.

"It doesn't change anything",c Rachel finally stated after finishing her meal and Jean simply looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "I mean, what I told you. It doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be here"

"I understand", Jean replied calmly. "I just want you to know you can always talk to me if you want"

Rachel just looked at her and started to feel uncomfortable with that moment. Then, she stood up and put her dish in the sink before turning around to face Jean again.

"Thanks for the snack", was all she said before she walked out of the kitchen, leaving her mother alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Four days had passed since Rachel had called Laura and she still avoided Jean, but for other reasons now. She didn't want the telekinetic mutant to think she would be more open to her current situation and, surprisingly, Jean didn't try to talk to her about it. Among Rachel's schoolmates, only Kitty knew what had happened and told her maybe she should grab the opportunity to get to know Jean Grey, but she wasn't very receptive to the idea, even though it kept bothering her in the back of her mind.


	14. Time To Breathe

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter XIV: Time To Breathe.

Unfortunately, Rachel realized secrets could not last forever when, in that short period of time, everyone in Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters learned that she was Jean Grey's daughter. Even though she didn't feel comfortable knowing people were talking about it, the teenage girl couldn't avoid her classmates as she tried hard not to give anyone a chance to ask her anything; it wouldn't be easy to explain why she didn't have a relationship with her mother at all. Luckily, Kitty was always there to save her from other people's curiosity, for which Rachel was thankful.

She and Kitty had become what one could call close friends; even though she still didn't want to live among mutants, be a part of their community, Rachel found Kitty rather _normal_, despite the fact that the girl could walk through any solid object, something Jean Grey's daughter often tried to ignore.

The red-haired girl was the first to leave the classroom after her Biology class was over. Kitty had been dismissed from the morning classes that day so she could begin her training in the Danger Room, which was located on a wing of the mansion Rachel was not allowed to go.

Trying not to make eye-contact with anyone on her way, Rachel decided she should go straight to the cafeteria, where the teachers' presence would discourage the other students if any of them was considering bothering her. Assuming her closest schoolmates were already there, Rachel went straight to the buffet table to choose her meal and only after that she decided to search for Kitty, Marie, Bobby and John. Surprisingly, she spotted the fire-controlling mutant sitting at one of the tables by himself. Making sure the others were nowhere to be seen, Rachel reluctantly walked to that table and sat down next to John.

"Where are the others?", she asked hesitantly. She wasn't very comfortable around John.

"Late for lunch, I guess", he answered in a rather unpleasant tone, his eyes concentrated on the flame of the lighter he was always playing with. Then, he looked at her and said: "You can go sit with your _mom_, if you want"

"She's not...", Rachel started to protest, but soon realized John was just provoking her. "I don't want to go sit there", she said instead and the teenage boy's face expression changed, mocking her. "What?"

"Maybe you should just go back to where you came from", he stated as if disgusted by her.

"Why do you say that?", she asked, frowning. Now he was starting to upset her.

"Because you don't deserve to be here", was his answer. "You have no idea of what most kids here would give to have a mutant family who understands them or even one who just accepts what they are", he continued and Rachel suddenly caught Jean looking at her from the teachers' table and slightly frowning.

"Well, I don't know about you, John, but I was very happy before she came along", Rachel stated calmly, trying not to give Jean a reason to think something was wrong.

"Maybe you don't even deserve to be a mutant, Rachel", John replied, still provoking her.

"Maybe I'm not one", was all she said to him before she picked up her tray and left the table, deciding to have her lunch on the opposite side of the room. She simply didn't have the patience to hear John's insults.

* * *

Jean watched as her daughter sat down by herself and had lunch without looking around the room once. She was sure something unpleasant had happened between the girl and John Allerdyce, but she would not interfere; not because she didn't want to, but because she couldn't. Rachel's mind was still blocked to telepathy and John's was prohibited to her: Jean could not read a student's mind without his consent because her professional ethic did not allow her to do so, especially if it was for personal purposes.

Sighing, she stood up from her seat at the teachers' table, leaving it empty, and walked to the exit to go back to work. But she hesitated when she reached the door and caught Rachel looking at her. The teenager quickly looked away, not giving Jean any time to read the expression on her face. Knowing she had to let her daughter have her own space and breathe, Jean Grey finally left the cafeteria.

She slowly walked down the hallway, having no particular destination, as she started to ask herself if she had done the right thing. In her heart, Jean knew she had. But she still had doubts as to whether she had done it the right way.

As she entered a small and empty living room, she wondered if things would have started differently between her and her daughter if she had let her stay with her adoptive parents. Maybe she could have started by visiting her regularly but, given Rachel's disastrous first reaction to her biological mother, Jean doubted the girl would have wanted to see her after that day.

Standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed as if to protect herself from pain, she closed her eyes for a moment. In the dark, Jean saw the very small and innocent face of her baby girl only minutes after she was born and felt the same wave of unconditional love wash over her in the present just like she had felt it sixteen years before.

Before she could lose herself in that timeless memory, the red-haired mutant opened her eyes only to try to fight back the tears of pain and guilt that threatened to break her. After a heavy sigh, she managed to calm down and control her emotions. Making sure she was capable of showing a perfect mask of serenity while her personal torments tortured her soul, she turned around and left the living room looking like the Jean Grey everyone knew.


	15. What We Are

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother.**

Chapter XV: What We Are.

Finally, the autumn rain had stopped for a few days and the students were able to enjoy a sunny Saturday outside the mansion. From a distance, Jean saw Rachel and her small group of friends in the main hall getting ready to go out. Her teenage daughter had reluctantly told her they were going downtown to have lunch and then to the cinema. She was glad Rachel had company at all times, although it was obvious she was not really making an effort to fit in. Guilt was a feeling that didn't give Jean a rest; she knew everything would have been different had she raised her child from the beginning. If she had, her Karah would find her current environment _normal_. But Jean couldn't undo the past and she knew Rachel never accepting her mother and her origins was a possibility, although the omega-level mutant would never give up on trying.

As the group of teenagers, among many others, exited the mansion the headmistress returned to the bedroom she shared with Scott. He had just put on his leather jacket when she opened the door and closed it behind her.

"She has just gone out", Jean stated in a calm voice, but Scott knew her well enough to know she was worried.

"She'll be fine, Jean", he assured her. She sat down on the bed, feeling defeated, and Scott sat down next to her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. "What are you worried about?"

"I don't know", she answered hesitantly, not sure if she should reveal fears only a mother could feel. "It's the first time she leaves the house since I brought her here…"

"Are you afraid she'll try to run away?", Scott asked, raising an eyebrow when she looked at him.

"I don't know what to think about anything", was her answer. "She hates this place so much… and she hates _me_ so much"

"She doesn't hate you", he stated and he truly believed his own words. "We've talked about this. She's away from everything she's ever known and it will take time for her to understand what's best for her. Don't worry; nothing will happen to her while she's out and I don't think she's the kind of kid who would run away"

"You're right, but I can't fight this constant doubt in my mind, Scott. She's my daughter and I don't want to lose her again", Jean replied. Scott couldn't bear to see his wife suffering, but there was nothing he could really do. Until Rachel had opened the door, Jean Grey would be kept out of her daughter's life.

* * *

Anyone who walked by them on the street would say that Marie, Bobby, Kitty, John and Rachel were a group of normal teenagers. They had had lunch in a new pizza restaurant on the city's downtown and were now walking down the street to go to the movies. Although she tried to hide it well, Rachel was uncomfortable and worried that someone would eventually realize her classmates were mutants. What if she came across someone she knew, someone… from her old life? Before meeting the mutants who lived and studied at Xavier's School, she had always had a very strong, firm and negative opinion with strange genetic mutations and was not afraid to let everyone around her know it. If any of those people saw her know, Rachel would feel humiliated.

"Is something wrong?", Bobby suddenly asked, pulling her away from her thoughts. She hadn't realized she and Bobby were a few feet behind the other three; Kitty and Marie were having a conversation about something and John was just walking next to them, not really paying attention to the girls.

"Not really… I mean…", Rachel didn't know how to start. "Well, it's the first time I go out since I left my home and…"

"It feels weird?", Marie's boyfriend completed.

"Yes", she answered and a moment of silence passed before she spoke again. "Everything feels weird: the house, school… and the people", Rachel felt ashamed for her words, but also strangely relieved.

"I know. It isn't easy to suddenly change the way you see yourself", he replied and she was rather surprised he didn't seem offended by her words. "There are very few mutants whose abilities start to develop very early and many come from non-mutant families, so it's hard to accept that you're different and that others won't always be tolerant with you because of that"

"I don't feel like I'm different", she stated hesitantly. "At least, not from the people I knew before"

"But you feel like you're out of place among mutants. Don't worry; it happens to many of us, but you'll see that everything will, eventually, feel right again"

"How can you be so sure?", Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow. She doubted Bobby could fully comprehend what she was going through.

"Like I said, it happens to many of us. It also happened to me", Bobby answered and, seeing the confusion in the girl's face, he continued. "I used to hide it from my family, pretending to be away in a normal boarding school. But I realized accepting this difference completely also meant letting them know what I am"

"Did your family accept it?", was the teenage girl's question as she painfully remembered Laura's words the last time they had spoken.

"I wouldn't say that", he paused. "They were very shocked and, like most non-mutant families, they asked me if there was a cure for it or if I could simply try not to be a mutant. It's not really prejudice, it's… Well, let's just say they still tell the neighbors I'm in a boarding school"

"I see", Rachel replied, understanding Bobby's personal drama, and she wondered what Ted and Laura had told their neighbors after she left.

They dropped the matter and joined the others as they bought the tickets. Rachel knew that Bobby was only trying to be friendly and help her understand everything had its time, but she doubted the time to accept that new life as it was would ever come.


	16. Fears

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother**

Chapter XVI: Fears.

A few days had passed since Rachel's conversation with Bobby and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about his words since then. It was obvious to everyone that she was rejecting Jean not only for the fact that she had abandoned her own daughter, but also because she was afraid of embracing something new and unknown. Even though the teenage girl had to admit the mutants in Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters acted like normal people towards her, Rachel didn't feel she had the courage to give her mother even a small chance at anything; being a mutant and being Jean Grey's daughter were irreversible steps she was simply too afraid to take. Kitty, her confident, often advised her to take the risk, stating Jean was trying to make things right. After all, she had nothing left to lose.

It was Wednesday afternoon and Rachel exited the room with her classmates, not really paying attention to their conversation as she followed them down the hall. She was thinking about nothing in particular when, suddenly, someone in the corridor to her right caught her attention and Rachel stopped abruptly to see Jean Grey entering her office and quietly closing the door, apparently unaware of her daughter's presence.

"Go on", Kitty broke the silence, startling Rachel, who noticed the others were already at the end of the hall waiting for them. – Give her a chance.

"I don't think I want to", Rachel replied, secretly surprised at how childish her words sounded.

"Just get to know her, Rachel. If things go wrong, at least you've tried", the other girl insisted. She looked at her friend in silence for a few seconds and finally sighed before turning away towards the office.

By the time she reached the door, Kitty was nowhere to be seen and Rachel doubted anything good would come out of what she was about to do. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand and hesitantly knocked on the door. At first, there was not an answer from the other side and Rachel was about to run away before anyone could see her when Jean finally opened the door. Even though both redheads knew it wasn't so, several long hours seemed to pass by as they stared at each other as if they had fallen into a trance.

"Is something wrong?", Jean asked gently, breaking the silence in two, and Rachel could see she looked concerned. What was she going to answer?

"No, I…", she couldn't find any words to describe the reason why she was standing there because she simply did not know it herself.

"Come in", her biological mutant mother invited, stepping aside to let the girl enter the room. Jean Grey was trying to remain calm and not show how confused she was about Rachel's unexpected visit. She watched as the girl walked to the big window on the opposite side of the room and looked through the glass for a while until she turned around to face Jean again. Then, the telepath gestured for her to sit down on one of the armchairs near the window as she did the same on the other one.

Rachel remained silent for a long time, looking around the room and avoiding Jean's stare. It was an awkward moment; the teenager didn't know what she was doing there and she was uncomfortable in the presence of the headmistress. But the strangest thing was the fact that, probably for the first time, she didn't feel her anger boiling while in the same room as Jean. It was like that anger had grown colder or turned into resignation. Whatever it was, Rachel was sure it was not forgiveness or any other positive feeling towards Jean Grey.

"How are you doing… Rachel?", Jean asked, still incapable of linking that name to her daughter.

"Fine, I guess", was the girl's answer and, unknowingly, they were both surprised she didn't make an effort to be rude this time. Finally, she looked at her mother and, for the first time, she noticed they shared almost the same features. "Why do you want me to be a mutant?", she suddenly asked before she could think properly and was unsure of what to expect as an answer. Jean Grey clearly wasn't ready for this, but did not hesitate to answer.

"I don't _want_ you to be a mutant", she started. "You just _are_. It's not something I chose for you"

"Well, you kind of did when you brought me here", Rachel replied, still unable to feel angry.

"I've told you why it only happened after all these years, Rachel. I can only hope you can forgive me or, at least, understand my reasons", the mother stated and noticed her daughter was starting to feel even more uncomfortable with where their conversation was going, so she decided to drop the emotional side of it. "Whether you decide to use your abilities or not is up to you, but you need to learn to control them. Like I said before, they are locked inside of you, but I don't know if they will remain like that forever"

"What does that mean?", Rachel asked hesitantly.

"It means you have that power and, even though it's blocked, it can eventually find a way to… break free. I don't know exactly what can happen if it does, but that's why I have to unblock them and teach you how to use them", was Jean's answer. Even though she had tried not to alarm the teenager, she could see Rachel was scared. "You don't have to be afraid, Rachel"

"I'm not so sure about that", her daughter replied abruptly. "I don't want to have that… power"

"I know…", Jean said as she tried to hide the sadness in her. Then, Rachel stood up from her seat and walked to one of the bookshelves, apparently pretending to be looking through the titles that belonged to Jean Grey. As the headmistress stood up as well and approached her daughter, she saw her pick a particular book, _Genetics: an Introduction to the X Gene_, by Professor Charles Xavier, and then put it back in its place. "You can take that one, if you want"

"It's… not necessary", the girl replied, glancing at the book one more time.

"It might help you see things… in a different light", Jean stated calmly as she grabbed it, wondering how she had come up with that expression. Rachel looked at it for a moment before taking it with a hesitant hand.

Jean's daughter didn't say anything else, thinking that moment couldn't be any more awkward, and just pressed her lips tight to acknowledge the woman's words. Then, she looked at her mother for a second before she walked away and out of the office. After her departure, Jean just stared at the door for a while, caught on the thought that, maybe, things wouldn't always be black or white between them.

* * *

As she walked away from the hall where the headmistress' office was located, Rachel glanced at the book in her hand again and still didn't know what to think. Did Jean really think a book would answer all her questions and solve all her problems? Besides, how could there be a logical explanation for the existence of such… people? Although she had a certain difficulty to admit it, it had been a few days since she had started feeling slightly guilty for calling them _freaks_. Kitty and her classmates had been very kind, patient and tolerant with her and Rachel was secretly thankful for that. Of course John was the exception, but Jean's daughter eventually realized his problem was not with her in particular.

Finally arriving in her bedroom, Rachel put the book down on the bedside table, still finding its answers wouldn't change her opinion at all, and picked up her textbooks, which Kitty had left there earlier. Leaving the bedroom again, she tried to put aside that very uncomfortable talk with Jean because not being afraid… was easier said than done.


	17. Enlightenment

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother**

Chapter XVII: Enlightenment.

Rachel spent the rest of the week reading the book Jean had given her. At first, she had decided to just take a quick look at the first page; then, she opted to read the first chapter. Now, she was half-way through the book and found herself reading a little more in most of the free time she had. Although she wouldn't say anything about it, Kitty now looked at her with something Rachel thought resembled pride. Jean's daughter thought she shouldn't mention it either; she didn't feel brave enough to think about what could happen and she didn't want to disappoint her friend in the future.

The book was quite informative and Rachel soon realized she had never thought about mutants and _humans_ as different stages of evolution; it wasn't something her old school or any other school besides Xavier's would exactly teach. In this book, the Professor explained how approximately once in a million years the human species felt the genetic need to evolve and adapt itself to its lifestyle, its surroundings and to the ever changing planet, although there wasn't an explicit affirmation that mutants were the ultimate stage of human evolution; the text simply presented a theory and left the reader to draw their own conclusions.

It was past dinner time when Rachel put down the book that evening, nearly finishing the eighth chapter, and stood up from the bed to stretch her arms and legs. She then glanced at her desk, on which the evidence of an interrupted study session rested, and remembered she had to finish an essay for Tuesday, but she wasn't in the mood to work on it at the moment. As she didn't want to finish it in a hurry either, Rachel decided she would stop by the kitchen to grab something to eat, avoiding her classmates for the evening, maybe go outside to get fresh air and then return to the bedroom to finish her homework.

Sunday evenings were usually quiet at the mansion, as everyone was either tired or preparing for another week of work, so Rachel was able to carry out the plan while she only encountered a couple of other students who didn't bother her on the way. She was about to return to her room when she saw Jean standing at the bottom of the stairs with some papers in her hand, probably to go to her own room as well. Because everything was almost silent, the headmistress heard her daughter's steps behind her and turned around to face the teenage girl.

"Rachel", she said, smiling softly and Rachel realized her name sounded like a strange word in Jean's voice.

"Hi", was all the girl could say. Since that moment in Jean's office, they were on 'good morning' speaking terms and, like almost every time they met, there was an uncomfortable silence between them for several seconds until Rachel decided she just couldn't stand there all night. "Well… I have to go", she stated, avoiding Jean's eyes as she climbed the stairs, walking past her mother. Then, that familiar sense of guilt seemed to suddenly grasp her stomach, invisibly making her turn around and say something nice to Jean. "Thanks… you know, for the book"

Jean Grey watched as her beloved daughter went upstairs and stood there for a minute thinking about how Rachel's behavior was changing: she didn't seem so angry at her anymore and she even seemed to get along with a few of her classmates. She let herself smile again, although it was not from happiness. Simple and plain tolerance was not everything a mother expected from her child, especially when she had already lost a great part of said child's life, but Jean knew that, whether they were happy or sad, events had their own time to take their course.

* * *

On Monday afternoon, Kitty found Rachel sitting in the almost empty library, finishing her homework for the day, and sat down across from her in silence.

"Hi", Rachel greeted as she finished writing in her notebook and finally faced her friend.

"Hi", the other girl replied and paused as if waiting for her friend to say something. "You want to talk about it?"

"What do you mean?", Rachel asked, slightly raising an eyebrow.

"Come on, Rachel. You haven't said anything about the other day in Jean's office", Kitty answered rather impatiently and glanced at the redhead's inseparable companion. "And you haven't looked away from that book since"

"I borrowed it from Jean. It's interesting", was Jean Grey's daughter reply and Kitty could see she was trying to make it seem as if they were talking about the weather.

"Is it interesting enough to give her a chance?", she provoked, trying to make her react somehow. Rachel sighed while gathering her school material on a neat pile on the table and then faced her closest friend in the house.

"Kitty, this… power Jean says I have…", she paused and looked away as the large window to her right allowed her to see the other teenage mutants outside in the garden enjoying the autumn sun. "I don't know. It might be dangerous and…", there were no words to describe the anguish the thought of her supposed mutant abilities had created in her.

"Listen", Kitty caught Rachel's attention by suddenly reaching across the table and gently grabbing her hands. "If there's anyone who can help you with that, it's Jean Grey. I can only imagine it must be difficult for you to accept her as your mom _and_ a mutant, but there's nothing wrong in trying. Let her teach you about your power first; you'll get to know her and yourself better. Then, you take it from there", she finished, hoping her words were encouraging enough.

"I…", she didn't have any words to reply to that mature advice from Kitty Pryde; she was right and Rachel couldn't help but to feel like a coward before her. Knowing that finding her place in the world couldn't be done overnight, she simply touched Kitty's shoulder affectionately and received a gentle smile in return before she left the library to retreat to her own thoughts.

* * *

As the week went by, Rachel continued to keep to herself as she felt the need to think through everything that happened in her life recently, everything she was and everything she would never be again. Despite other people's respect for her _breathing space_, as she called it, Rachel found herself sitting wide awake on her bed for the second time that week; her mind was racing and, at nearly four in the morning, she couldn't find a way to fall asleep. Sighing and in the dark, she decided to go somewhere else; maybe walking in the innumerous corridors of the mansion for no particular reason would be boring enough to make her sleepy.

Even though any other reality seemed like a distant memory to her, Jean Grey's daughter was still amazed by the size of the former family home of Professor Xavier's. Besides classrooms, individual bedrooms, libraries, living and study rooms, a large kitchen and common dining room, not to mention the gardens, there were still plenty of rooms in the mansion whose location and purposes Rachel was unaware of; she just couldn't imagine a single family living in such a large space.

As she turned left to walk down yet another corridor, Rachel caught the faint sound of a television and slowed down her pace in order to follow it to its source. Soon she found herself standing in front of the open door of a small television room and beyond that door was Jean Grey sitting on a sofa, her back facing Rachel. The teenager could see she was zapping through channels and stood there unsure if she should announce her presence or simply leave. After a second, she remembered Kitty's advice and reluctantly stepped into the room, slowly walking around the sofa until she was sure the headmistress could see her.

Jean noticed she was not alone in the room anymore and looked away from the television to see her daughter standing there, looking like she was feeling completely out of place.

"Hey", she said calmly with a soft smile. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah", Rachel answered, sitting down at the other end of the sofa. "You?"

"Me neither", Jean confirmed, looking at the TV again. "Is there anything you want to watch?", she then asked, trying to make small talk.

"Now that I think about it, I haven't watched much TV since I got here", the girl stated, but there was no anger in her voice.

"You prefer reading, right?", her mother asked as she faced her again. Rachel knew she was trying to show that she observed her daughter in order to know her, but the teenager wasn't ready for that kind of closeness.

"The book you lent me is pretty interesting", she stated, somehow answering Jean's question. When the other redhead wouldn't say anything and just looked at her, she continued. "The theory kind of… makes sense, if it's true"

"It's just a theory, but it's the most believable one so far, yes", were Jean's word. Rachel just sat there for a while and, in the silence that fell between them, she could almost hear Kitty Pryde impatiently encouraging her to take the next step.

"You know, we can talk about my… those abilities you say I have. If you want to, of course", Rachel then suggested hesitantly, unsure if her mind and her spoken words agreed on that particular subject.

"Okay", Jean replied, nodding as she tried to hide the fact that it was the last thing she expected to hear. "But maybe you should go to sleep now and we can talk about it tomorrow", she continued, knowing she had to be careful; her daughter could quickly change her mind if she showed her hidden anxiety and then their non-existent relationship would be even harder to handle.

"Okay, tomorrow", Rachel stood up from the sofa and looked at Jean again. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight", Jean Grey watched her daughter leave the room and her alone with her thoughts again. Now that Rachel wasn't on the defensive all the time, her mother felt hope reborn in her heart and couldn't help but to wish for a future where they could actually be a family.


	18. The First Step

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother**

Chapter XVIII: The First Step.

After that moment with her daughter in the living room, Jean had returned to the bedroom but hadn't been able to sleep; the conversation between her and the girl who would always know as Karah was still playing repeatedly on her mind and she could hardly believe what she had heard. After all, there had been many times, before and after finding her child, when Jean had been driven to despair and led to believe her life would never be completely fulfilled… But she had forced herself to wait, to suffer in silence and, finally, there seemed to be a light of hope for her.

Unlike her, Scott had slept all night and it wasn't until morning that she told him about what had happened; she could hardly hide the excitement for what expected her that day.

"See? I told you she'd come around", Scott stated encouragingly as Jean embraced him.

"I don't know. It feels so strange…", she replied, looking at him. "It's almost like I never expected her to talk to me like that… So calmly"

"Maybe she's growing up. I mean, it's never easy for a kid when they find out they're a mutant…", he paused and Jean saw him get lost in his own thoughts for a moment. "Karah's lucky to have you as her mother", Scott finally finished with a sincere smile.

Even though she knew her daughter would spend the entire day in class, Jean Grey often found herself glancing at the closed door of her office, expecting to hear the long awaited knock. Then, her eyes would travel to the clock on the wall. More than once that morning, she stood up from her chair and paced nervously around the room, wondering if Rachel would change her mind during the day, only to take her seat again a moment later. The wait was unbearable and Jean even thought of leaving the mansion for a few hours, to calm her mind and her heart, but quickly dismissed the idea; distance wouldn't solve anything.

Giving up on trying to read the pile of papers in front of her, the redhead exhaled deeply and stared at the opposite wall. She had waited sixteen years to find her beloved daughter. She had _lost_ sixteen years of her child's life and now she was holding on to hope, feeling she could not lose another minute. Unfortunately, fixing what had been broken didn't just depend on her; Rachel had to open the door _and_ invite her in her life and Jean couldn't force her to do it. After all, she hadn't been there when her little girl took her first steps, when she said her first word or when she faced the first day of school. Jean didn't know Rachel's favorite food, favorite color and favorite hobbies; she didn't know if she had a boyfriend or if she had even lived her first love yet. Jean Grey didn't really know her own daughter. All she knew was that she loved her now as much as she had the very moment she was born.

* * *

Rachel hadn't been able to pay much attention in class during the day, but fortunately it was nothing a good read wouldn't fix. She had only seen Kitty in the morning; after lunch, the dark haired girl had gone to a training session Rachel wasn't allowed to attend. So, she had spent the rest of the day accompanied by Bobby, Marie and John, although this last one was as distant as always. She hadn't talked to any of them about what had happened the previous night and, as they exited the classroom, finishing school for the week, she wasn't sure she should tell them where she was going to next.

Deciding to let them think she was going to her bedroom to study, Rachel said goodbye to her classmates and went upstairs. Sighing as she closed the bedroom door, the teenager threw her books on the bed and started asking herself if she was doing the right thing. She didn't want to give any false hope to Jean by letting her think everything would be alright between them and she couldn't understand her own worry about her biological mother's feelings. After all, Jean had abandoned her at birth and the fact that she regretted later didn't change the sixteen years of life Rachel had lived without knowing the truth.

Suddenly, she remembered Ted and Laura, who she had always taken for granted. She had loved them and felt their love all her life and they had turned their back on her as soon as they learned their Rachel was not as perfect as they thought she was. Even though it made her sad, she knew she couldn't really blame them; she had been judgmental towards mutants for as long as she could remember and was having a hard time accepting her mutant mother.

Feeling she had been standing there for a long time, Rachel looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and realized that, if she was going to keep her word, she should leave now to go meet Jean in her office. Contrary to what the headmistress of Xavier's school might think, Rachel didn't want to spend the rest of her life feeling angry and out of place. So, trying to put all her doubts aside, she turned around and left the bedroom.

* * *

Jean started reading the same paragraph for the third time since she had picked up that document, but her mind refused to concentrate on anything other than her daughter. The second she gave up, her attention was caught by the soft knock on the door she had been waiting for all day. For a moment, her body froze and she was unable to understand why she was so afraid of what was going to happen next; she knew it couldn't be worse than what she had already gone through with Rachel, so what was there to lose?

A firmer knock convinced her to act and she walked to the door and, after hesitating for a second, opened it. Her daughter, who undeniably resembled her, was standing outside looking unsure of herself and Jean immediately realized she was not the only one afraid of what was to come.

"Come in", she invited, stepping aside to let the redhead teenager enter the office. She then noticed that, for some reason, Rachel always looked around the room like it was the first time she visited it.

Without waiting for Jean to say it, the girl sat down by the window and remained silent when her mother did the same. Like it always happened when they met, there was a long moment in which they just looked at each other, out the window and around the room until one of them decided to finally speak.

"You know… being here doesn't mean I want to be… like you", Rachel stated, trying to choose her words well so there wouldn't be misunderstandings.

"I told you, you don't have to be", Jean's tone was calm. "Whatever you decide to do with your abilities is up to you"

"So… how do I know I still have them? I mean, is there a chance they can be lost forever?", her daughter's questions indicated she was clearly not ready to face what a mutant had to face in society, but Jean would try to protect her from it for as long as she could.

"A mutant never loses their abilities", she started, trying to be as soft as possible. "Some can hide them or simply not use them, depending on what kind of mutation we're talking about. In mutants like… me, it cannot be seen, since it's completely internal"

"So others will only see it if you want to", Rachel's statement was unconsciously covered in relief, but her mother understood it perfectly. If she was going to have a hard time accepting she was a mutant, then it was better that difference couldn't be spotted by the common eye.

After the hesitant beginning of their conversation, they found themselves more at ease with each other and Jean spent the afternoon answering Rachel's questions about mutants and their mutations. The girl often made reference to the book she had given her, exposing her doubts, and the mother could see she was focusing more on her curiosity on the mutant topics as general knowledge rather than to know more about herself. Jean Grey didn't try to change the course of the conversation; just like everyone with everything in life, Rachel had her own way of approaching something that was difficult for her to accept and her mother was not going to try to change that.


	19. The Other Half

**Through The Eyes Of A Mother**

Chapter XIX: The Other Half.

Rachel had spent most of the night awaken, so she naturally felt tired the next morning but forced herself to get out of bed, even if it was Saturday. She was still trying to figure out what to think of what had happened the previous day; she and Jean had talked for hours and, for the first time, Rachel had allowed herself to see her mother in a different light. If the teenage girl ignored the fact that she had abandoned her, Jean Grey was actually a nice, affable person who had an endless patience to answer questions Rachel thought were the most stupid. Unfortunately, Jean's daughter still had a problem with having a mother who was a mutant. Of course she had realized by now that mutants had feelings, problems and interests just like she had, but what would the world she had always thought she belonged in say? Being on the other side of prejudice was a challenge Rachel had never thought she would have to face, but she had no other option. In fact, she was not so sure she wanted to run away from it anymore.

* * *

Because it was Saturday morning, everything was calmer than usual and it was easy for Jean to see Rachel and Kitty enter the cafeteria to have breakfast together. Surprisingly, her daughter spotted her right away and gave a quick, timid smile and looked away. Jean could hardly believe that was the same teenager she had brought home not so long ago and she wasn't the only one that had noticed it.

"Are things going better between you two?", Ororo, who was sitting next to her, asked.

"Well, she's not constantly calling me a freak and saying she wants to go home anymore…", she paused, glancing at Rachel. "So I suppose they're better"

"You know, she may be more like you than any of you know", the other woman stated, smiling gently.

"What do you mean?"

"She's going through a hard time and the only people who I see her talking to are those same four classmates, but she never loses focus", Ororo paused as she looked at Rachel, who was apparently oblivious to their conversation, and then back at Jean. "It may be a way for her not to think about her problems, but she's doing quite well in school"

Like any other mother would, Jean was proud to hear her friend's words and almost didn't notice Rachel approaching the table rather hesitantly. The headmistress wasn't sure of what to say and Ororo seemed to think excusing herself and leaving was going to help, but it only left mother and daughter staring at each other for an awkward minute.

"Is everything okay?", Jean asked before she could think of something else. Why did she always assume something was wrong?

"Yeah, it's just…", Rachel wasn't sure she wanted to say it and she fought the urge to turn and look at Kitty for encouragement. "I was wondering if we could talk… somewhere else"

"Sure. We can go to my office or…", the teenager didn't let her finish.

"Somewhere other than _here", _she sounded firmer this time. It was obvious to Jean that she was probably fed up with always being in the mansion.

"Okay, then. Just give me half an hour and I'll meet you in the lobby", she suggested. Rachel simply nodded and returned to her table. Although she was unable to read her daughter's mind, Jean knew this would not be as easy as it had been the previous day.

* * *

The ride to the park, the place Rachel had decided she wanted to go to, was silent but not uncomfortable; she was looking out the window, remembering the places she knew so well. The bookstore, the pizza place and her old school all seemed to have been part of a vivid dream not meant to last. She had thought seeing this part of the life she had once had would bring back the hate and regret for Jean, but she found only sadness in their place. She simply couldn't deny she had a perfect life before finding out nothing in it was real and a hint of guilt crept into her thoughts as she admitted to herself that she wouldn't think twice to go back to that life if she could.

Jean finally parked the car and waited for Rachel to exit it first, imitating her afterwards. The two walked into the park in silence, noticing there were several other people there doing different activities. That was a _normal_ Saturday for Rachel, Jean thought. Of course she knew her daughter was still very connected to her past and, although it was impossible, she wished she would simply forget it one day.

Even though it was an autumn day, the sun was shining and it was not too cold, so neither of them used the weather excuse to start talking. They had been walking for a while until Rachel sat down on the first empty bench she found and her mother did the same. They didn't look at each other for a while, but rather at people passing by.

"I wanted to be somewhere I know better than you for once", Rachel started, still not looking at her. "I used to come here a lot..."

There was nothing Jean could think of as a reply, so she just let Rachel's words linger in the air and gave her time to tell her what she really wanted to talk about.

"I'm never going home, I know that", she suddenly stated, glancing at Jean and looking away again.

"Rachel…", for a moment, her biological mother thought they were regressing.

"But if we're going to live together, I want you to be honest with me", the teenage girl continued, finally facing Jean. "Why did you give me up?"

"I told you, I was young and I was afraid… I was afraid I wouldn't be the mother you needed", Jean's words were not obeying her and Rachel's first thought was to retaliate as a victim, but she soon realized she was tired of fighting.

"Couldn't you choose other mutant parents for me? Why did you choose Ted and Laura?", she didn't know if what she was asking was completely stupid; she didn't even know if mutants adopted children.

"Prejudice against mutants was much worse back then… Rachel", it was hard for Jean to picture Karah as a baby girl and calling her by another name. "Even though it broke my heart to give you away, I thought you would be safer with parents who didn't know your heritage"

"Am I safer with you now?", was the obvious question.

"You would have always been safer with me, but I couldn't see that until you were gone", Jean then paused, unsure if she should continue. "You see… When I blocked your abilities, I was also breaking our bond"

"What do you mean, _our bond_?"

"We had a very strong bond even before you were born. It's natural that you don't remember it, but… I could already sense your mind when you were still in the womb. It's like you were an extension of me, an extension of my mind"

"Really?", Rachel's word was full of surprise, although all the recent events in her life seemed surreal. "How's that possible?"

"I don't know. I've never heard anything like that, which doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people", Jean suddenly found her words were flowing much more easily than she had previously thought.

"But… did we actually… _talk_? I mean…", the girl didn't know what to say.

"No, it was a very primitive form of telepathy. But it was like you could feel everything I felt… like you were my other half", listening to herself suddenly made Jean feel embarrassed; there was the possibility that Rachel would never see her as her mother and there she was, telling her what should only be told when there was complete trust.

"So… you know _for sure_ that I have your abilities", was the daughter's statement. She was trying to process everything she had just been told and it all sounded too hard to believe.

"Yes, I know for sure and that's why I regret what I've done. I regretted it right away, but still convinced myself it was the best thing to do", the telepath struggled with her emotions as all the painful memories came back to her. "But as the days went by, I realized I couldn't spend the rest of my life without you… Besides, I wasn't experienced at blocking other people's minds at the time and there was no way for me to know if your power would actually be locked away forever", she continued, feeling she was taking a great weight off her chest. There was a long moment in which Rachel didn't reply and just looked around the park, figuring out what to say next.

"So, if I wasn't here right now… Would you still be searching for me?", she finally asked. For a reason she failed to identify, the girl felt it was important to know how much her biological mother actually cared.

"Of course", Jean didn't wait to answer, although her words resembled a whisper. "I would search for you every day of my life"

Her mother's answer left Rachel speechless once again. Although abandonment was hard to forgive, even if it was followed by deep regret, she found herself wanting to believe Jean Grey. The part of her that thought she should suffer the consequences for what she did was now weaker; after all, Jean had suffered for almost sixteen years and, if Rachel couldn't find it in her heart to forgive her mother, she would continue to suffer for the rest of her life.

Jean had learned not to pressure her daughter, so she waited patiently as they both remained silent again. She found silence, sometimes, could say more than words could and she hoped it meant she had touched Rachel's heart.

"What about… What about my father?", the teenager suddenly asked, catching Jean completely off guard. "Who is he? Is he a mutant as well?"

"No, he isn't", she struggled to speak. "He… wasn't"

"Wasn't?", Rachel repeated, frowning.

"He has… passed away a couple of years ago", Jean knew it was not the best way to introduce Rachel's father to her, but it was too late. She couldn't read her daughter's expression and could only wonder what was going through her mind.

"Oh…", the word left the girl's lips with no surprise at all. "Did he know I existed… at least?"

"Yes, he knew about you", the mother answered reluctantly and decided to start from the beginning. "His name was Sean Carter. We knew each other since we lived in the same neighborhood as kids, but we lost touch for a couple of years when I went to _boarding school_, as everyone thought", she paused for a moment, remembering the excuse the parents of mutant children usually gave the neighbors. "When we met again, we were around fifteen and started going out. I eventually told him the truth about the school I went to, my abilities… everything"

"And what did he say?", Rachel asked, curious.

"He was obviously confused at first", Jean started, looking around. "Mutants weren't something the media talked about like they do these days… But he understood that I wasn't much different than any other girl at that age. Unfortunately, as the school grew and more students sought help there, people started hearing about _that school for freaks", _pausing, she recalled the pain that last word had caused her. "That's when his parents realized what I really was and forbade him to ever talk to me again. At first, we were able to see each other without them knowing and convinced ourselves we'd be able to hide it until we were of age. But when I realized I was pregnant, Sean's parents found out we were still together and decided to take him away to another state. He was able to write me a letter stating that he would do anything he could to come back. But all the letters I wrote back returned unopened"

"Did he just… give up?", was Rachel's hesitant question. She was not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"No, he didn't. But we were kids back then and he couldn't oppose his parents", Jean's voice gave in her sadness. "He came back four years later, when he was already in college, and I had to tell him everything…"

"How did he react?"

"He… he didn't forgive me", she struggled with those words, fearing they would empower Rachel's bitterness towards her. "He said I didn't have the right to hide something so important from him and wanted me to tell him where you were, but I didn't know; I had made sure not to search for the Roberts' address in their minds. I believed I was doing the right thing", she paused, looking into her daughter's eyes, but unable to find compassion in them. "The last thing he said to me was that he was going to find you, so he could at least know you were okay"

"But he never did…", Rachel completed. "Otherwise, you would have found me too", falling silent for a moment, she remembered the beginning of that conversation. "How did he die?"

"In a plane crash…", was Jean's hesitant answer.

Rachel felt torn between the fact that she would never meet her father and that he had tried to find her. Of course, her first instinct was to blame Jean Grey for everything that had gone wrong, but deep inside she didn't want to. Not because her mistakes could be easily fixed, but because it wouldn't make a difference. Knowing that Sean had wanted to know her gave her peace of mind and that would have to be enough.

"Do you think he would have liked me?", the girl then asked, suddenly embarrassed by that childish need of approval.

"He would have loved you"


End file.
